HDH Replaces Dining Hall Meals With Dog Food, Students Deem It an Improvement

Written by: Ethan Coston

In addition to Dining Dollars, HDH will now accept sitting, staying, and shaking as a form of payment.
Photo by: Jessica Ma

Last Friday night, HDH announced via email that it will change all dining hall food options to dog food varieties starting Fall Quarter 2018, citing student complaints about food quality. After replacing Mark Cunningham as executive director of Housing, Dining, and Hospitality, Hemlata Jhaveri announced she will change the menus due to “those ungrateful brats that complain about raw meat in their food.”

Jhaveri, irritated by complaints about her predecessor’s decision-making, caved to student demands for nutritious, fully-cooked, cost-effective meals. She believes dog food is truly the best way to increase food quality and lower costs.

Keeping with each dining hall’s specialty, vegan and kosher options will be available to students who need it. Revelle College’s 64 Degrees will serve dog food burgers, with MilkBone milkshakes. The markets will sell canned dog food, perfect as a snack to-go or a cheap dinner option for students who prefer not to eat gourmet varieties at dining halls. Roots, the vegan dining hall in Muir College, will serve V-Dog, a brand of vegan dog food comprised of ground corn, beet pulp, and brewers rice guaranteed to improve digestion, aid weight management, and maintain a shiny coat.

Since dog food does not require labor intensive preparation, HDH will not employ as many students as it does this year. While dining hall prices will be significantly lower than they are now, they will still be astronomically higher than off campus pricing for a satisfying bowl of dog food.

HDH later released a statement saying that the extra revenue received from the “luxury” pricing of dog food will fund a $100 thousand salary increase for Director Jhaveri as a reward for her direct involvement in designing the dog food meal plan.

Jhaveri noted that she worked with Associated Students of UCSD to create a plan that would address the food needs of all students. “I really think HDH finally realized that many students at UCSD are food-insecure, and providing cheap alternatives will finally help bridge that gap and ensure no student has to go without a meal,” said A.S. President and former A.V.P. of Food and Housing Resources Kiara Gomez.

So far, students who believe HDH is finally taking a step in the right direction met the plan with enthusiasm. “I really think HDH is making a revolutionary stride in improving food quality,” Cane Corso, a second-year in Sixth College said. “Once I run out of Dining Dollars, I usually end up sharing my dog’s bowl anyways, so this just means that I don’t have to share anymore.”

Web Editor at The MQ

Ethan Edward Coston is a third-year Political Science Major from Muir College. He is the current Web Editor and website creator.

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