Professors Prepare To Return to Void for Summer

Written by: Quoc Tran

Professor Drayton’s last words were, “Fill out your CAPE evals.”
Photo by: Stephen Lightfoot

UC San Diego professors prepare to return to the void as the Spring 2018 quarter draws to a close. Professors who aren’t teaching during the Summer Sessions will have to give up their living quarters on campus and return to the void until they are needed again for the Fall 2018 quarter when they will be able to return to the physical world to teach at UC San Diego.

Professors across campus have begun their annual ritual of shutting off their iClicker stations and packing their chalk back into boxes. After grading finals, many professors will be forced to return to the notoriously cold and unfeeling void. For this reason, many professors opt to put off grading finals, enjoying their last few days in the physical world.

Dr. Hank Drayton, a lecturer for the chemistry department, was interviewed in his office, putting his various knicknacks into a box as he prepared to leave our dimension. Dr. Drayton continued packing up, deflating his mattress and dismantling his desk, saying, “It gets quite hot this time of the year, but I can’t really turn on the air because there’s no air in the void. There’s nothing.” By the end of the interview, Dr. Drayton had stopped packing and started to break down into tears.

Some professors, however, have gotten special permission from the university to remain in the physical world for the summer. This will be be Professor Ben Janister’s first time staying at UC San Diego over the summer. “I’m so excited. I’ve read so much about it but I’ve never experienced summer before,” said Dr. Janister, a professor recently pulled from the void with a PhD with specialties in early 20th century American novelists. For many professors like Dr. Janister, this summer will be the first time they are allowed to enjoy the summer of the physical world, thanks to the greater amount of courses offered during the Summer Sessions.

Most professors will be returning to the void within the next few weeks. While proven to be safe, the storage of human beings in the void has drawn ethical concerns. The University of California Board of Regents has been criticized for this unorthodox use of the void. However, they have argued the void is much cheaper than paying professors wages high enough to allow them to stay. According to meeting notes, a board member confirmed, “We’re planning a pool for the chancellor’s house.” As a result, professors everywhere must say goodbye to their families in preparation for their next stay in the void.

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