Volume 24
EDITORIAL: The U.S. Abandoned the White Working Class, Now Two Government Goons Are Gonna Raid My Homestead
The upstanding, white, rural, patriotic, liberty-lovin’, hippie-hatin’, community has been left behind. Neglected. Taken for granted. How do you “Snapchat fiends” say it? Ghosted. I’m no …
Jacobs School of Engineering to Open New Social Engineering Major
The prestigious Jacobs School of Engineering at the University of California, San Diego announced this week that it will open up a brand new Bachelor of …
Gaping Hole in Area Woman’s Fishnets Threatens to Expand to Her Butt Crack
Last Thursday night, local news vans crowded around the perimeter of Athena Minral’s apartment after a rumor centered on the current structural integrity of her leg-wear. …
High School History Teacher Imprisoned for Violating Second Amendment
A Florida instructor is the first person in the nation to be detained for violating the Second Amendment of the U.S. Constitution. Following a suggestion by …
New Artificially Intelligent Chairs Develop Strong Opinions on Politics
This month, the tech company “Chairish.” has come out with a leap in artificial intelligence technology. Designed for the typical American family, Chairish.’s new dining room …
Point/Counter Point: I Found a Typewriter and Now I’m an Esteemed Author/Please Stop Breaking Into My House
POINT: I Found a Typewriter and Now I’m an Esteemed Author It has been several days since rediscovering a grande typewriter, and I have revitalized my desire …
Social Media Companies Fix Fake News Problem, Nothing Changes
After being alerted to the issue of false stories spread online, companies like Twitter, YouTube, and Facebook systematically purged all publishers of fake news from their …
UCSD Student Literally Couch Surfing To Avoid Rent
Police were confused last Sunday when they investigated what appeared to be a landmass constructed of old couches tied together and tethered to a pier. When …
2019 Met Gala Theme Leaked: “Veganism”
According to an insider tip, the Met Gala theme for 2019 is already in the works, with many well-known celebrities preparing in advance. Considering this year’s …
Elon Musk To Build Massive Space Gun, End Homelessness
In a press conference today, CEO and philanthropist Elon Musk announced two new business projects in the defense and public service industry. Though some speculated the …
