Rowan Hernandez Cosme
Sans Announcement Causes Trump to Worry About Skeleton Immigration
After opening the invitation letter, Trump was reportedly surrounded by animated text reading, “Donald Trumps the Competition.”Photo by Jack Yang Over the summer, many fans of …
Lucky Charms Releases New Limited-Edition Cereal Containing Live Snakes
Lucky Charms recently released a new promotional cereal to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day, reportedly taking inspiration from stories of St. Patrick himself by including snakes alongside …
Persephone Refuses to Leave Underworld Due to Climate Change Denial
The polar vortex that affected the midwestern United States has caused many politicians to further their belief that “climate change is nothing but a hoax.” An …
Recyclables Now Part of Water Cycle
Many people in Seattle, Washington expressed surprise when, instead of the usual rainy weather that greeted them, a variety of bottles and cans landed on their …
UCSD Student Literally Couch Surfing To Avoid Rent
Police were confused last Sunday when they investigated what appeared to be a landmass constructed of old couches tied together and tethered to a pier. When …
Area Man Loudly Announces He Will Spend Summer Vacation on Venus
Last Tuesday, without any prompting, local student Chad Richardson loudly announced that he was going to go somewhere “new and exotic” over the summer break. Richardson …
Confused Woman Accidentally Drives to Eighth Floor of Geisel Library
This past Tuesday, construction workers entering the eighth floor of Geisel Library received a shock upon finding a red 2002 Chevrolet Cavalier sedan amongst the bookshelves. …
CAPEs Revealed To Be Elaborate Prank by Professors
After many quarters of professors promoting CAPEs as if they were direly important, a new discovery has shed some light on their real purpose. Local student …
Local Man’s Future Self Comes Back To Stop Him from Making Resolutions
Recently, La Jolla resident Emmet Martin found himself in a strange situation when a naked man appeared on his front lawn. After Martin allowed the stranger …
President Trump to Implement Plan to Steal Christmas
Last Wednesday, President Trump announced a new policy in which he plans to steal Christmas entirely. According to White House officials, his plan is to paint …
