Area Man Loudly Announces He Will Spend Summer Vacation on Venus


Written by: Rowan Hernandez Cosme

Last Tuesday, without any prompting, local student Chad Richardson loudly announced that he was going to go somewhere “new and exotic” over the summer break. Richardson revealed that the “new and exotic” place that he and his family were traveling to was, in fact, the planet Venus.

“I mean, we’ve finally got the funds, after so much hard work,” Richardson told reporters. “I think we honestly deserve it.” Richardson then proceeded to blow his nose into a 20 dollar bill and absentmindedly throw it at a passing student.

Richardson expressed enthusiasm that he would be able to experience Venus’ warm climate and closeness to the Sun. Richardson claimed that though he usually sunburned easily, he would be able to tan without being burned thanks to Venus’ thick cloud cover. He was also appreciative of the fact that the weather would be constant throughout the entire summer.

When asked about how Richardson and his family were to deal with the hazardous atmospheric conditions on Venus, he made a dismissive wave of his hand and said something about “not falling behind on the local politics” and continued to shout his announcement through a megaphone.

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