Lucky Charms Releases New Limited-Edition Cereal Containing Live Snakes


Written by: Rowan Hernandez Cosme

Each box comes with a warning label reading: “Children may be a choking hazard for the snake.”
Photo by: Jack Yang

Lucky Charms recently released a new promotional cereal to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day, reportedly taking inspiration from stories of St. Patrick himself by including snakes alongside each bag of marshmallow cereal. However, many consumers have expressed concern over the interpretation of the holiday, citing live, venomous serpents they found in their breakfast.

“I came downstairs after I heard my daughter scream,” stated Rachel Pial, a local mother and veterinarian, “I was surprised to see that she had a rattlesnake sitting right next to her bowl. Luckily, I always keep a shovel by my bed, but my daughter was so scared that she had lost her appetite completely.”

Pial, and many other local citizens, have stated that the promotion is “strange” and “dangerous.” The creative design team at General Mills, however, have completely dismissed the regards, saying that the animals are only a temporary promotion and that the danger will only persist for a month or two longer.

One company representative, Brian Johnson, expressed confusion as to why consumers were disappointed in the promotion. “Snakes are a classic symbol of St. Patrick’s Day, right?” asked Johnson, “So getting a snake is no different from getting one of our clovers or a toy figure of Lucky. All the snakes will probably be valuable in a year or two, right? They’re limited edition collectors’ toys, people!”

Despite Johnson’s assertion, many customers still demand that the cereal be recalled. The creators’ public responded to these demands by reportedly plugging their fingers into their ears and singing loudly. This only led to the protestors shouting their complaints louder, including “My daughter is in the ER,” “There’s a snake loose in my house,” and “Bring back the yellow moons.”

One such man, Brendan O’Leary, has created a group called St. Patrick’s Children with the goal to buy all the snake-filled boxes so they can release them without too much injury to the general population.

“If they won’t recall the cereal, we’ll have to do the next best thing,” O’Leary explained. “We members of St. Patrick’s Children are citizens who want to keep everyone else safe. We’ve gotten a lot of questions about our name, though. So to clarify, we’re just helping children stay safe; our members are not actually children and we know nothing of St. Patrick’s paternity information.”

O’Leary and his group are accepting donations from all who are willing to help pay. Though many have expressed concern over where the remaining money may go once the snakes are returned, O’Leary claims that he plans to donate those funds to the local Snake Bite Treatment Center. St. Patrick’s Children’s first assignment is reportedly recovering the charity donation they had made one month earlier, 50 boxes of Lucky Charms for the Children’s Snake Allergy Hospital.

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