Barak Tzori
EDITORIAL: The U.S. Abandoned the White Working Class, Now Two Government Goons Are Gonna Raid My Homestead
The upstanding, white, rural, patriotic, liberty-lovin’, hippie-hatin’, community has been left behind. Neglected. Taken for granted. How do you “Snapchat fiends” say it? Ghosted. I’m no …
Metal Bands Rush to Site of Fire in Hopes of “Bitchin’ Photoshoot”
Tens of black-grunge and grind-crust metal bands flocked to the site of last week’s deadly Santee fire in hopes of capturing some “brutal” album covers. The …
Area Yuppie’s Parents Unable to Pay Bills or Convince Son to “Help out a Bit”
Charles Crosby and Abigail Johnson, parents of young urban professional Edward Crosby-Johnson, received their third late billing notice from Bethesda Naval Hospital on Thursday. Their inability …
Graduating Student More Computer Than Scientist
Graduating computer science major Ilan Hannan was struck by the realization this week that his degree prepared him to be more of a computer than a …
Spicer Reveals T.V. to Be Just Two Interns With Sock Puppets
An anonymous White House spokesperson for the White House spokesperson revealed to the media this week that the television in the office of U.S. Press Secretary …
“Kiss Me, I’m Irish” Shirt Too Barf Ridden To Be Considered Green
O’Drunkagain’s Pub in South Boston has reportedly refused service to longtime patron Sam Kennedy this St. Patrick’s Day, stating his “Kiss Me, I’m Irish” shirt could …
Filipino Senate Calls for Peaceful Removal of President Duterte’s Head
The Filipino Senate passed a joint resolution last Friday calling for the peaceful removal of the President Duterte’s head from office and corpus. The unilateral decision …
Indian Children’s Playground Latest Battleground as Kashmiri Forces Attempt to Draw Line In The Sand
Indian Security forces were caught off guard last week when rebels from Kashmir attacked them on a playground in the town of Kathua. The rebels were …
Football Fan Thinks 200-Pound Human Miracle of Athleticism “Just Standing There”
Markus Dohle was already moving on to his second beer in the first quarter when he remarked that the 237-pound, six foot three “godsend of athleticism” …
Grandfather Recalls When Gum Was Cheaper, Is Put in A Home
Karl Tunberg was just wondering when his grandchildren last visited when he received a call from his daughter, informing him that he would be packing his …
