Barak Tzori
Tornado Unfairly Redistricts Communities, Republicans Say
Tragedy struck mainland Iowa this week when the worst tornado in recent history ripped its way through Madison and Des Moines. However, some are saying that …
FDA Approves Dave’s Thursday Night Plans to “Hang with the Guys”
This week, the Food and Drug Administration approved pharmaceutical CEO Dave Forfa’s plans to “just go grab some wings and catch the game” this upcoming Thursday. …
Congressional Bill, Known as “Zeno’s Bill,” First Has to Get Half its Votes
“Zeno’s bill,” introduced by New Hampshire Senator Jeanne Shaheen, is having a hard time getting traction in Congress. The legislation that intends to give tortoises a …
New Study Finds 12 Percent of Millennials
Top sociology researchers at Cornish College for the Arts in Seattle released a study earlier in the week finding approximately 12 percent of millennials in the …
Turkish Comic Jailed for Calling President Erdogan’s Hairline “The Real Migration Crisis”
The comedy club at the Tekirdag prison in Turkey welcomed a new member earlier in the month when local comedian Ersin Ozince was sentenced to twenty …
LAPD Officers Arrested in LAPD Drug Bust on LAPD Cocaine Stronghold
An enormous drug bust carried out by local authorities in a San Bernadino suburb Monday morning resulted in the seizure of millions of dollars’ worth of …
Local Insult Comic Paralyzed by Perception of Self
A long string of past experiences and subjectively-derived truths had already determined the outcomes of the most recent performance of the Silicon Valley based insult comic …
UCs Banned from Asking About Race, Find New Measures of Student Affluence
As per California Proposition 209, the 2016-2017 incoming freshman class will be the 20th UC class to have been accepted independent of their race, sex, or …
Local Cop Unsure If Woman Shouting “What Have I Done?” Is Doing So Rhetorically
Local police sergeant Frederick Huntsberry stumbled upon a peculiar scene last night when he found a woman kneeling in the middle of the streets, staring at …
Paid Family Leave Bill Passed After Cis Man Impregnated
Overwhelming majorities in both the House and the Senate passed an amendment to the Family and Medical Leave Act of 1993 last month, requiring employers to …
