Written by: Barak Tzori

The officer became more concerned about the woman’s state when she looked momentarily confused, and began yelling about a “line” to someone.
Photo by: Lawrence Lee

Local police sergeant Frederick Huntsberry stumbled upon a peculiar scene last night when he found a woman kneeling in the middle of the streets, staring at her palms and shouting “Oh God, what have I done!”
Huntsberry explained to reporters what made the event seem so strange.

“I couldn’t see perfectly, but something was draped over her knees, something almost in the shape of a body. And you could tell that her hands were a deep glossy red by the oddly placed, extremely bright streetlight that shone down on her.”

In his statement Hunstberry then said that things became “really like something out of a movie.”

“After I arrived the woman looked away from her hands and up at the sky, screaming,” he continued. “Then I noticed it was raining, but not where I was standing, only above the part of the street she was on. It was kind of hard to see, though, past the twenty-something person crew with cameras and microphones pointed at her.”

A separate eye-witness to the event, Brad Grey, A.S.C., offered his telling of what occurred. “Huntsley or whatever his name is was just standing there like an idiot. He kept looking around like he was lost. He was supposed to draw his gun and run into the shot as we pan out to show the skyline. The whole thing would end with a beautiful realization of sin, but we couldn’t do that until that dumb character actor got into the scene.”

“I was so deeply puzzled by what was going on,” Huntsberry went on. “First the woman in the rain was yelling, then some other lady started yelling. She turns to me and screams ‘Cut! Cut!’ I don’t think I’ve ever met this woman, but she starts insulting me and asking me if I know how much it costs to run this rain machine. What rain machine? I’m just a naive, but loyal officer blinded by justice trying to slowly rise through the ranks to make detective while still caring for my wife and two kids, why would I know about rain machines?”

Amy Powell, a film director who was nearby, claimed to have seen the entire odd moment take place. “Well, Huntsnuts or whoever just didn’t start his role. He knew his lines and rehearsal went fine, but for some reason he froze, as if he had forgotten all of his past acting experience. After a couple seconds passed we couldn’t keep waiting, so I shut down the production. When I started yelling at him from my chair he looked so blank.”

“Heinzbean took two entire days off of filming with that stunt, claiming he needed time to recover from seeing such a beautifully tragic occurrence,” said Grey. “Not only that, but now we have to cover worker’s comp and send him cards and flowers and all that shit.”

Wearing a blue spotted robe, officer Huntsberry leaned back in his bed and finished his statement. “Even after it all happened, I never learned why that woman was yelling so passionately, but I have a feeling that the event will continue to haunt me for the years to come as I struggle to overcome my own moral hesitations and slowly harden into a seasoned police chief.”

Grey, sitting atop the camera mount, shouted, “Action!” a final time, and a couple of stagehands started to pull the cart away from the three-walled hospital room. As the picture got wider and more of the background came into frame, a doctor’s clipboard could be seen, onto which two words were written neatly: “mild stroke.”

Alumnus, Editor-in-Chief 2016-17 at The MQ

Barak Tzori is an MQ Alum and was Editor-in-Chief for the 2016-17 school year.

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