Written by: Barak Tzori

Tens of black-grunge and grind-crust metal bands flocked to the site of last week’s deadly Santee fire in hopes of capturing some “brutal” album covers. The fire, which claimed 20 houses and six lives, left a local hillside in ruin, a scene that scene kid Doug McMillon called “perf.”

First on the mountain after authorities reopened the site was the band “Crooked Grave,” who wasted no time locating deer carcasses. A member of the band reportedly said, “Oh shit! Marc check this fucking thing out.” On another face of the hill, Brett Biggs, front-man for “Coma-Induced Abrahamic Massacre,” was busy at work, setting up what he called, “the nativity scene from Hell.”

“Oh, this shit’s gonna be soul crushing,” explained Briggs. “We’ve got the burned log manger here for our bassist Bratspies. Our vocalist Jacqui Canney makes a great Undead Mary. I assume you’ve heard of our new album ‘Cain Was Framed.’ Well it’s going to have absolutely face-melting cover art.”

At press time, the charred remains of upper middle-class houses were being reclaimed by numerous ghoul-satanist bands. Drummer for “Cremate Your Heroes,” David Chojnowsi, was witnessed taunting the burned-down den of his high school economics teacher, “Who’s laughing at their tax-advantaged retirement accounts now, Mr. Dastugue?”

Alumnus, Editor-in-Chief 2016-17 at The MQ

Barak Tzori is an MQ Alum and was Editor-in-Chief for the 2016-17 school year.

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