Written by: Barak Tzori

O’Drunkagain’s Pub in South Boston has reportedly refused service to longtime patron Sam Kennedy this St. Patrick’s Day, stating his “Kiss Me, I’m Irish” shirt could no longer be called green due to all the barf stains.

Kennedy, who has worn the same shirt every St. Patrick’s Day since 2005, was shocked by the bar’s decision.

“How could they do this to me?” Kennedy wailed at an exposed brick wall. “My whole Paddy’s Day was ruined. Every year I sit at the same seat, chat up the same woman who wants nothing to do with me, throw up two out of the six pints of Guinness that I drink, then go home to sit in front of ‘Good Will Hunting,’ but just the Ben Affleck parts.

“I mean, the whole day was like this nightmare. And I wanted to wake up, but nobody would pinch me.”

Kennedy spent the better part of the day roaming the Boston streets in loathing and self-reflection until his second favorite bar opened at 11:30 a.m.

There was one passerby who appreciated the shirt, saying, “He had this awful stench of bile and societal ostracism. Just like my grandfather, and God knows he was Irish.”

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