The United States Imposes Sanctions on the United States

Written by: Quoc Tran

“You’ve gotta get ‘em before they get you,” said Trump as he prepared to stab himself in the back.
Photo by: Sage Cristal

President Trump announced Tuesday that the United States would impose economic sanctions on the United States. These sanctions are the latest in an ongoing trade war between the United States and its trading partners in Europe and Asia. Tariffs will be imposed on steel, oil, light gray inflatable couches, corn, and a variety of other common imports.

When asked about the reasons for these sanctions, the President swore to protect the United States’ economic interests in the United States. Pushed for more details, he cited the sale of buffalo wings, a major export of Buffalo, New York, in places ranging from Florida to Montana as a primary reason for these sanctions. “I will bring back jobs in the buffalo slaughterhouses to the citizens of the fine city of Buffalo,” he exclaimed during the press conference.

Cameron Michaels, a professor of foreign policy and economics at the University of Chicago, expressed worries that these sanctions could start a trade war between the United States and her close ally, the United States. Citing historical examples, Michaels offered a detailed description of a series of ever escalating tariffs and sanctions between the two nations.

However, Michaels was quickly disparaged by his colleagues, including Winston Day, a professor of domestic policy and economics at DeVry University, for commenting on matters outside his realm of study. When asked for a statement, Day told Michaels to “stay in his own lane and leave issues of domestic economic policy to the experts,” but offered no comments on the actual sanctions before hurrying to leave, avoiding other reporters.

Reacting to the sanctions imposed upon the United States, the United States Secretary of State, Mike Pompeo, stated that he would not hesitate to retaliate with more extensive and extreme tariffs. “These countries have hurt our economy for far too long and it’s time to strike back,” Pompeo said at the same press conference and ended his statement declaring that, “I am sure that the United States will win any trade war that ensues.” He would not clarify which United States he meant.

Public opinion was mixed on these sanctions, but the overwhelming reaction was one of confusion. However, there were polarizing opinions on the steel tariffs. Kenneth Lee, a steelworker from Michigan, was ecstatic, telling reporters, “These steel tariffs that we imposed on the United States will be very good for our company. It’s been tough competing with this cheap American steel flooding our fine nation.”

Lee’s wife, Kara, also an employee at the same steelwork company, had the opposite sentiment, telling reporters, “The sanctions imposed on us will lead to some tough times ahead. The United States steel market was our primary importer, but I’m glad that my husband is predicting a boom in business. This will make up for my losses.”

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