Campus
UCSD Gets Railed by Blue Line Extension
Khosla announced the opening of the trolley by reading out of Dr Seuss’ One Line, Two Line, Red Line, Blue Line.Photo by Sharon Roth Over the course …
Welcome To: “THE META UNIVERSITY XPERIENCE”
By Mark Zuckerberg Proud American Hi guys, Zuckerberg here. I’ve always said that the years we spend in college can be some of the most formative …
UCSD Chem Majors Have a Thanksgiving Feast of Chemicals
“Technically, everything we eat is made of chemicals but only some of it contains arsenic,” said Cee.Photo by Sharon Roth During the Thanksgiving long weekend, many UCSD …
Wastewater Detection Systems Find Baby in Sewers After 2018 Masturbation-in-Shower Epidemic
“You think I’m gonna support these children?” asked Khosla, “I don’t even support these students.”Photo by Jack Yang On November 17th at 5:36 p.m., UCSD Wastewater Detection’s …
UCSD Creates New “All Holiday Week” for Convenience
“We gotta look on the bright side of this,” said Bitko. “That means there’s only one defined week of holiday music.”Photo by Maria Dhilla In an attempt …
Breaking News: Animal Spotted in Local Forest
“It’s like a Pokémon… but real,” explained Buttage.Photo by Maria Dhilla Late on Thursday night, UCSD sophomore Peter Buttage noticed an unidentified animal in a eucalyptus grove …
Khosla Releases New “Crypto And Kitchen Exchange” Plan to Replace Dining Dollars
“I don’t give a shit about all this talk of legal tenders,” said Hamburg, “I just want my goddamn chicken tenders.”Photo by Jack Yang In light of …
UCSD Students Become One with Racoons During Dining Hall Crisis
“This tastes like trash,” said Vingh. “Thank you,” said the raccoon.Photo by Maria Dhilla This year, understaffed dining halls have struggled to provide service to a record …
UCSD Campus Police Crack Down on Post-It Art Returns to Stop and Frisk
“This is a sticky situation, we have to handle it carefully,” Stork explained.Photo by Sharon Roth Many UCSD students took dorm decor to the next level with …
UCSD Announces “Bold, Firm” Plan to Decarbonize “by the Time the Earth is Swallowed by the Sun”
“Green energy? Sorry, I don’t see color,” claimed Khosla.Photo by Sharon Roth Following years of pressure by campus climate activists, UCSD admin declared their intention to “fully …
