Campus
ITS Announces Hiring of Carrier Pigeons to Improve ResNet Speeds
“My carrier pigeon isn’t helping at all. It built a ResNest in my dorm!” exclaimed one student.Photo by James Woolley In response to growing complaints, UCSD’s …
UCSD Announces New “DILF”-Focused Research Center to Promote Equality
“This project has fathered many other studies,” said Simgod Friend.Photo by James Woolley Following the reveal of the Human Milk Institute, UCSD announced the Human Observation …
Student Explodes After Discovering They’re An Extra on The Truman Show
“What? It was time to BeReal,” said Snot.Photo by Sharon Roth A large commotion that “wasn’t a fire alarm for once” was reported by Sixth College …
SPIN Scooter Claims First Life at UCSD Campus
“My philosophy professor asked me what I would do when faced with the trolley problem,” said one SPIN user. “Today I found out.”Photo by Julia Wong …
UCSD Dining Hall Hires Skeleton Crew
“The new employees have been really skimpy with the portions,” shared Belmont. “The burritos are bare bones.”Photo by Julia Wong Across UCSD, dining halls have struggled …
Vampire Appreciation Club Promotes Dress Code Change
“I want you to grind really hard,” said Jerome Powell, chair of the Federal Reserve.Photo by Romella Sagatelian During UC San Diego’s first week of instruction, …
UCSD to Repaint Geisel Lobby After Redesign Blinds Students
“We want students to be drawn to the library like moths to a flame,” said Gibbons.Photo by Julia Wong Upon the recent unveiling of the new …
Academic Integrity Violators Sent to Boingo’s Bathhouse
“I want you to grind really hard,” said Jerome Powell, chair of the Federal Reserve.Photo by Sharon Roth The previous motto of UC San Diego, “Plagiarize …
Student Fakes Her Own Death to Avoid Jury Duty
“RIP, and by that I mean rest in perjury,” said an anonymous student.Photo by Maria Dhilla After hearing the news that her roommate Ayla Burton passed …
Ninth College Construction Hits Rock Bottom
“Yeah, there were a few preventable issues,” admitted one engineer. “We probably should’ve done a dry run first.”Photo by Sharon Roth UC San Diego students who …
