Volume 26 Issue 3
Local Student Seeks to Learn Who Gerry Mandering Is
Quill later wanted to find out who “All” was and why they should get Medicare.Photo by Jack Yang First-year ERC student Tara Quill, after just now realizing …
UN Declares State of Emergency due to Spotify Algorithm
Last week, United Nations president Tijjani Muhammad- Bande declared a state of emergency because “Spotify just compelled him to”. “It was really weird at first,” Muhammad-Bande …
Dear Santa, why didn’t I get any presents this year? vs. You’re 35, Bill
Point: Dear Santa, why didn’t I get any presents this year? Dear Santa, My name is Bill, and I have a question to ask you. Why …
Study Shows the Parties You’ve Been Hosting are Actually Kickbacks
Study Shows the Parties You’ve Been Hosting are Actually Kickbacks New research from the UCSD’s Local Administration on Manners and Extroversion (L.A.M.E.) shows that those parties …
Report Finds Impossible Whopper Killed 12 People, Considered “Healthiest Burger on the Market”
One of the twelve eulogies reportedly stated: “Now they will always have it their way.”Photo by Jack Yang Pew Research has found the Impossible Whopper from Burger …
Area Mom Challenges Eminem to Wrap Battle
While Morales could wrap a gift with perfectly flush edges and a seamless tape job, she was no match for Eminem’s scathing hot rhymes.Photo by Jack Yang …
Top Ten Reasons Nobody is Going For the Turkey Your Mom Made
Top Ten Reasons Nobody is Going For the Turkey Your Mom Made It reeked of colonialism It’s as dry as her personality Everyone in the family …
