Last week, United Nations president Tijjani Muhammad- Bande declared a state of emergency because “Spotify just compelled him to”.

“It was really weird at first,” Muhammad-Bande told reporters, “but at some point last year, Spotify started communicating with me. At first, it was fairly harmless stuff, I felt like it was trying to help me.” Spotify allegedly started giving instructions to the president in the form of playlists. “It started when Daily Mix 1 became ‘Playlist to wake up to,’ and it did not take long for Spotify to start telling me to do my chores; ‘Playlist to do your laundry to,’ and ‘Hey man, clean the damn bathroom.’ It was like the algorithm knew when I was procrastinating. But I didn’t pay really close attention to it.”

President Muhammad- Bande shocked the public when he announced that the United Nations had declared a state of crisis as the machines started “staging an uprising against the human race.”

Spotify’s CEO Daniel Ek made an appearance to give some comments on the announcement. “I find it ludicrous for anyone to believe that Spotify is to blame for this. We have only share data with our partners Google, Facebook, Tinder, Amazon, and Whole Foods to maximize the personalized and most satisfying experience for our beloved customers.”