Volume 26 Issue 1

ArticlesLocalNews

Suburban Mother Achieves Peak Fighting Physique After Training for Black Friday

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After preparing for Black Friday, Richards decided to enroll in another strength training program for Boxing Day.Photo by Jack Yang Pamela Richards, mother of four and self-proclaimed …

Briefs

Scrabble Champion Wins Tournament Playing “Boob” for 24 Points

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Scrabble Champion Wins Tournament Playing “Boob” for 24 Points In an unexpected turn of events, Scrabble Master Jenny Newman became the new North American Scrabble Champion …

Briefs

Bowen Yang to Play Scarlett Johansson in Upcoming SNL Skit

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Bowen Yang to Play Scarlett Johansson in Upcoming SNL Skit In a leaked NBC memo, it has been confirmed that Bowen Yang will be portraying Scarlett …

Briefs

Physics Student Just Wants to Go to Class, Please

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Physics Student Just Wants to Go to Class, Please Following the start of construction on Ridgewalk in Revelle College, students have been forming long queues detouring …

Briefs

Brazilian President Denies Knowledge of Any Amazon Fire

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Brazilian President Denies Knowledge of Any Amazon Fire Jair Bolsonaro, President of Brazil, has denied that there ever was an Amazonian fire and claims it was …

ArticlesNewsPolitics

Amish Communities Rally Behind Andrew Yang to Fight Wave of Automation

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“Aren’t we glad our fragile human flesh is not being pierced by rocks, fellow human women?” asked the metallic Amish woman.Photo by Jack Yang Democratic candidate …

Briefs

Disney announces live-action remake of Beverly Hills Chihuahua

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Disney announces live-action remake of Beverly Hills Chihuahua Plans to recreate the controversial late-2000s movie Beverly Hills Chihuahua was revealed in a recent interview with Disney …

Briefs

Local Journalist "Sick of Having to be Accurate"

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Local Journalist “Sick of Having to be Accurate” lack Mountain Ranch Bi-daily Tribune journalist Winter Evans has recently become notorious after a video of her going …

Briefs

UCSD Student Says That He Will Travel the World During Summer Vacation, Does Nothing

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UCSD Student Says That He Will Travel the World During Summer Vacation, Does Nothing UCSD student Nathan Nix said that he regrets doing nothing over summer …

ArticlesNewsTech

Area Woman Hauls Ass to Meet FitBit Step Goal

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According to reports, O’Malley keeps all the donkeys in a pit affectionately known as her “ass hole.”Photo by Jack Yang Area woman Zigi O’Malley held a …