Written by: Andrew Sitko

Brazilian President Denies Knowledge of Any Amazon Fire

Jair Bolsonaro, President of Brazil, has denied that there ever was an Amazonian fire and claims it was another attack of “Fake News” of liberal media. In an official statement, President Bolsonaro stated, “There was never a fire in the Amazon. This is a fake fact, or news as you Americans call it. If I was behind a fire in the Amazon you would not be able to save it.” The President excused himself and drove off in the presidential car, stocked with multiple jerry cans. Eyewitnesses in the area report he stated, “Eu deveria ter usado mais gasolina na primeira vez” as he drove away into the jungle.

A crew of firefighters reported that there was a blaze despite what the President stated, but had their water privileges removed a week prior. A government statement cited the water was being purified for the next Olympics, coming in an undisclosed year. Franscisco Silva, a junior firefighter reported, “They said no water, so we asked for flame retardant. They handed us gasolina.” The UN has stepped in to intervene with the fire and is currently explaining to the government that the Olympics will never take place in Brazil again.

Managing Editor at The MQ

Andrew Sitko was recently arrested by the comedy police and charged for Possession of Killer Jokes. This is their second offense following a Grand Larceny charge from January 27th, 2003.

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