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Rapture Indefinitely Postponed After God Reviews Guest List
“But I wanted uppies!” said one Christian father.Photo by Ezra Bihis In a move that sent panic throughout evangelical communities in the United States, God announced …
Aircrafts to Only Fly at ‘Worst Possible Time’
“INAUDABLE,” said Andrew Jeong.Photo by Ariel Chen In a “historic” effort, both UC San Diego and the 3rd Air Wing of the United States Marine Corps, …
Insurance Companies Implement New ‘Arcanic’ System
“The witch said my cancer was ‘meant for me’?” said one UnitedHealth Group User.Photo by Ezra Bihis Responding to mass complaints about alleged A.I. use in …
UCSD Renames Sixth College After RuPaul
“A” letter grades have been replaced with “S”, which stands for “Serving”.Photo by Daniel Palacios-Villegas In honor of National LGBTQIA+ History Month, UC San Diego announced …
White Supremacists Now Disinterested in Valhalla
“I didn’t think Valhalla had H1-B visas,” said Burke Collins.Photo by Farhad Taraporevala White supremacist groups in the United States are reportedly distancing themselves from any …
Montana to Introduce New Congressional Maps
The final electoral map was found to be more representative than the Texas redistricting.Photo by Ezra Bihis and Amit Roth In response Proposition 50 in California …
Facebook’s Metaverse Ported to the Collective Unconscious
“I tried to watch ‘The Social Network’ last week, and they deleted my occipital lobe,” said one user.Photo by Amit Roth Meta’s Metaverse, formerly known as …
Taylor Swift ‘Begs’ Fans to Ignore Lyrics
“Why can’t people just separate the speech from the speaker?” said Taylor Swift.Photo by The MQ Despite being considered one of the “least anticipated” releases of …
