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Violent Clashes Occur as UCPD Shuts Down Unsanctioned Open Mic
“Man, I hate having to get bailed out by my parents. So embarrassing,” said Leigh.Photo by Maria Dhilla At 5:00 p.m. on Friday, May 14, a crowd …
Snickering Researchers Warn of New Threat Posed by Updog
Scientists have looked up high and down low, but unfortunately they have been too slow to catch the mysterious Updog.Photo by Maria Dhilla According to several extensive …
New Dystopian Factions Emerge From Fanatical Vaccine Recipients
When asked about anti-vaxxers, both sides stated, “Do not speak to us of the heretics — the non-believers. Even a false god is better than none.”Photo …
UCSD Senior “Living in Hell,” Doing Everything Except Schoolwork
“The only thing I’m pro at is procrastination,” said Adani.Photo by Maria Dhilla As the summer approaches, UCSD seniors have shown a rise in therapy appointments and …
Stickman Stuck at Dead-end Job
Has no exit strategy
Local Man Claims Cereal Box Art Made Him a Furry
Fox says, “It’s not just a meal, mom.”Photo by Sharon Roth George Fox, a 21-year-old San Diegan and avid fan of breakfast cereal, claims that his love …
Local Bakery Releases New Product
Described as “macawrong”
Area Man to Resume In-Person Conversation Mid-June
After the party, Kalebloomsky said, “The dude I was talking to wouldn’t leaf me alone.”Photo by Sharon Roth It has been announced that COVID-19 restrictions on local …
Top Ten Pairs of Guests to Invite to Your Graduation
Top Ten Pairs of Guests to Invite to Your Graduation Simon and Garfunkel Your two most contagious friends The upper and lower halves of Darth Maul …
Top Ten Last Words
Top Ten Last Words Drunk driving? More like funk driving, hey-o! Haha, you’re on thin ice! Are you sure you put the poison in the other …
