Wizards of the Coast Announces New D&D Book: The Curse of QAnon

Written by: Jacob King

“Thank God I don’t have to keep homebrewing this sort of thing,” commented one tired dungeon master.
Photo by Jack Yang

At an investor meeting yesterday, Wizards of the Coast announced the next source book for the ever-expanding world of the popular role playing game Dungeons & Dragons. This new book, titled “The Curse of QAnon”, is said to add a whole new, never-before-seen monster, as well as spells and political opinions. When asked about a release date from this exciting new content, Wizards of the Coast revealed that “something big was going to happen in the next few weeks.”

In a preview of the new book posted online, some of the preliminary content was revealed, including teasers for two new campaigns. The first, entitled “Storm of the Capitol,” promises to “allow players to take down the deadly cabal that is secretly controlling the world from the shadows by stopping the inauguration of a fairly-elected president.” The second campaign, “The Mystery of Pizzagate,” lets your heroes “fight the maniacal cabal by taking down their headquarters for world domination and human trafficking, a small pizza shop on the west side of town.”

A new class will be added to the game as well. The new Shaman class will allow players to “harness the mysterious power of Q to detect the secret magic of the ‘deep state.’”

“We really wanted something new,” said Geralt Stormfists, head of game development for Dungeons and Dragons. “I mean when you’re strip-mining Tolkien’s works for every idea, eventually you run out, and there are only so many animals you can anthropomorphize before people start asking questions.”

Not everybody was happy with this new path. Many commenters online have expressed concern about the inherently political nature of this new expansion. “I know when people usually complain about politics in games online, it’s just because there are gay people in it,” said @stinkylilgobo on Twitter, “but I mean this new D&D book is kinda insane. They literally put that stupid right-wing cult right in the name.” The creators don’t seem to see this as an issue.

“QAnon consiparies and D&D campaigns are actually very similar. Both give people small bits of information that are then used to create magical and fantastic worlds totally disconnected from reality,” said a representative from Wizards of the Coast.

While this comment has not eased many people online, there is one place where “The Curse of QAnon” has gotten positive feedback: 4Chan. The mostly-unregulated online message board remains ecstatic due to the fact that a movement that started on the website has gotten such mainstream popularity. “It was cool and all when Q made all those people storm the Capitol, but this is how you know we’ve hit the big league, boys,” said one anonymous user in a post on 4Chan along with a picture of a smiling, cartoon frog. While the majority of users are happy, some lack the same enthusiasm. “I can’t believe those soyboy liberal cucks are bastardizing our beliefs for their stupid little nerd game. It’s honestly sickening that they think so little of us,” said one angry commenter. These are just a few of the many comments that have been posted on 4Chan over the past few days. Unfortunately, QAnon was not available for comment.

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