Articles
Discord Mods Confused About New Kitten Adoption Agency
“I hate that I actually know what a catgirl is now,” remarked Ahmed.Photo by Sharon Roth The local humane society has just opened up a newly added …
“Dead Man’s Party” Re-Enters US Billboard’s Hot 100s as Biden Presidency Begins
Who could ask for more? Many people did, but this is what we got.Photo by Jack Yang As President Joe Biden, noted as “still alive” by many …
Popular Magician Questioned in Wife’s Disappearance
“They’ll find the body before that two-bit magician can say, ‘Abra cadaver!’” claimed Tellor.Photo by Maria Dhilla Daniel Siegfried, more commonly known by his stage name, Dynamic …
Clam Unhappy, Despite Common Saying
“It’s really hard to stay positive these days, as a clam,” said one local clam. “I mean, we barely have a foot to stand on!”Photo by Sharon …
Local Women Gets New World Record on New Year’s Resolution “Any%” Speedrun
Goodman said that she found a way to “clip into the kitchen” after demolishing the wall between it and the adjacent room.Photo by Sharon Roth When a …
Brave Viking Clan Invades US Capitol to Fight for Traditional Roots in Fascism and Control
“I have my rights,” said one rioter, “and it’s my job to make sure that other people don’t.”Photo by Jack Yang On January 6, a group of …
College Student Swears By “The Graduate” Method; Friends Call It “Mommy Issues”
Zagard described the moves of his latest date to be “just like Mom used to make.”Photo by Jack Yang After major backlash from community members, the US …
Spectrum Redefines Limits of Acceptable Service
“I’d send a strongly worded email,” said Ngo, “but my router won’t stop catching on fire.”Photo by Maria Dhilla The ongoing COVID-19 pandemic has dealt harsh blows …
Local Teen Girl Justifies New Years Party
In response to one party-goer claiming that their cocaine was “95 percent pure,” another partygoer held up hand sanitizer, saying, “This is 99.9 percent pure.”Photo by Maria …
I Was the Lone AXE Body Spray Left Behind: This is My Story
After the aftermath of the insurrection on Capitol Hill, reporters searched furiously for the best photograph to encapsulate the experience of what many are calling “the …
