Who could ask for more? Many people did, but this is what we got.
Photo by Jack Yang
As President Joe Biden, noted as “still alive” by many of his contemporaries, begins his first term in office, a startling connection has been made regarding his rise to power and the US Billboard 100’s song lineup. “It’s either the greatest collaboration we’ve seen since the signing of the Magna Carta, or it’s just a joke that got spread around too much on TikTok. Either way, the song is fucking catchy.”
It is unknown if President Biden, self-proclaimed “as healthy as ever,” is aware of “Oingo Boingate,” the term several disparaging comedians have given to his connection with the “somewhat famous ska-punk, new wave band Oingo Boingo’s second best song.”
“It’s easy to see why it’s this song that rose to the occasion, and not others,” explained sociologist Zach Miu. “This is similar to the popularity boom of Green Day’s ‘American Idiot’ during Trump’s Presidency, or The Wizard of Oz’s ‘Ding Dong the Witch is Dead,’ being played following the death of Maragaret Thatcher, which are actual facts that are true and have happened in real life. We could have seen the irreverent ‘Truth Hurts’ during President Trump’s refusal to admit defeat, or the optimistic ‘This Will be Our Year,’ regarding… well… or even the rallying cry of Rihanna’s ‘Bitch Better Have My Money’ in response to Mitch McConnell’s influence over stimulus checks.”
Though many are calling the playing of this song “slander against someone who is definitely 87% living,” many believe this song’s newfound popularity is actually an homage to the office of the President correcting itself. “Like it or not Biden is an old, white man whose current platform is nowhere near what it was at the start of his political career. But honestly I don’t care about that anymore! I’m so dead inside from all the point blank acts of cruelty and apathy motivated solely by self-interest with no care for the millions of people who will continue to suffer and die from lack of foresight, that any semblance of thoughtfulness or altruism is better than the alternative,” said UCSD political science major Daniel Manelf. He continued, “even if that comes in the guise of a bag of flesh held together by people projecting him to be the fun uncle who means well.”
Another student, while viewing a picture of President Biden with the caption “Young at Heart” on her phone, agreed with Manelf’s views. “Finally, we can have shady backdoor deals and human atrocities happen in a civilized way. That is, for these horrible things to happen far, far away from the United States, where we can have plausible deniability. A whole continent, at least,” she posited. “I can’t wait to see what Biden will do that I’ll find out about five years later, when a Latin American country fully destabilizes and a plucky American journalist regurgitates what their European colleague wrote a year beforehand.”
But not everyone is looking into a deeper meaning to the song’s new Billboard Hot 100 placement. “I didn’t know we were allowed to listen to this song when it wasn’t Halloween!” one anonymous person tweeted. “This is starting the new year off on the right notes.”