In a recent press release, famed plumbing, princess-saving, go-kart racing, and ghost-hunting brothers Mario and Luigi have decided to use their platform to decry the current state of American political affairs. “It’s-a us! A-Mario and a-Luigi! We-a hated a-Kristi Noem. She treated a-dogs like they were goombas. Fuck-a ICE!”
The fraternal plumbers specifically targeted their speech toward the man replacing Kristi Noem as Secretary of Homeland Security, Markwayne Mullin. “Mullin-a used to be a plumber like-a us. It’s-a valiant profession. However, it’s-a worrying to have such a prominent-a position filled by someone without a bachelor’s degree or a back-a-ground in a politics-a.” Luigi added. “I try to-a stay informed about global-a politics but I would-a never claim to be such an expert that I could-a take such an important-a position without further-a education.”
Other prominent Nintendo characters have also taken a stand against Mullin, with Wario being an especially prominent voice, citing the incident where Mullin attacked a protester with the sign, “Mullin is racist scum”. “It’s just the truth!” Wario reportedly said in a rushed street interview, “I hope he gets crushed by a Thwomp!”
Jules was born from a stone egg near Flower Fruit Mountain. Shortly after his birth, he became king of the monkeys that lived on the mountain. He then went on to gain immortality 9 times and also cause havoc in heaven. He has now retired to write for the MQ.
