Volume 27 Issue 4
Chancellor Khosla Finds Holy Grail in UCSD Wastewater
When one of the unpaid interns got their arms chopped off by an overzealous swing, Khlosa scoffed, “‘Tis but a scratch!”Photo by Jack Yang In an email …
Local Lawyer Disbarred after “Excessive Use” of Taylor Swift Quotes
Local Lawyer Disbarred after “Excessive Use” of Taylor Swift Quotes The American Bar Association recently disbarred a criminal defense attorney for unprecedented behavior. Despite repeated requests …
McQueen Tells All
McQueen Tells All Kachow! I’ve been turned into a cow. Hey guys, it’s me, Lightning McQueen. I bet you wanna’ know how I got here. Well, …
Kamala Harris Under Fire for Staring at Joe Biden, Tapping Watch, and Sighing
White House staff reported seeing Vice President Harris writing “President Kamala Harris” over and over again on a legal pad.Photo by Maria Dhilla Despite being in office …
Gamers Find They Are Bisexual After Playing “Hades”
Ralphie Zabaria said, “If I’m going to hell, good.”Photo by Jack Yang A sharp spike in self-reported bisexuality has occurred in the United States following the release …
Governor Newsom Ends “Bummer” Stay-at-home Order
Governor Newsom Ends “Bummer” Stay-at-home Order The Governor of California, Gavin Newsom, has recently ended the stay-at-home order afflicting the entirety of California. In a shocking, …
Medieval Times To Open Offshoot Branch Based on Roaring Twenties
A promotional offer reads: “If you subscribe to Medieval Times’ email list, we’ll send you chain mail!”Photo by Maria Dhilla Medieval Times CEO Kenneth Kim recently announced …
Vending Machine Mixup Has COVID Tests Replaced With Dildos
“Ask not what your university can dildo for you, ask what you can dildo to yourself,” posed Sterbater.Photo by Jack Yang Chaos erupted last Monday evening at …
Kermitsby
With her meticulously placed strokes made on a laptop trackpad, Roth, through her depiction of life through a lonely frog’s eyes, deconstructs a modern capitalistic society and reveals fundamental truth of the “gay frog in a boat” complex that has come to define our reality.
Popular Magician Questioned in Wife’s Disappearance
“They’ll find the body before that two-bit magician can say, ‘Abra cadaver!’” claimed Tellor.Photo by Maria Dhilla Daniel Siegfried, more commonly known by his stage name, Dynamic …
