McQueen Tells All

Kachow! I’ve been turned into a cow. Hey guys, it’s me, Lightning McQueen. I bet you wanna’ know how I got here. Well, remember that time my old pal Mater and I went tractor tipping? And I tipped all the tractors at once? Well that moment marked my car-soul — my Kia Soul, if you will — because later in life, when my engine wore down and I took my last exhaust, I saw the light at the end of the highway. I followed it and reached the DMVJ, the Department of Motor Vehicle Judgement, and standing in the middle was the Lord and Savior Jeepus Christ.

Apparently, I really messed up when I attacked those innocent tractors like that, and I now must pay for my arrogance. Jeepus explained that the only way to truly understand what I did is to be reincarnated as an Earthly tractor — in other words, a cow. It could be worse, I could have gone to purgatory, or even car hell, which is just a junkyard where you race endlessly for the Pissed-In Cup. Life was a highway, but now it’s a slaughterhouse. Someone is going to kachow down on my corpse.