Volume 27 Issue 4

Top Ten

Top Ten Similarities Between the Senate Floor and the Dance Floor

Written by: The MQ

Top Ten Similarities Between the Senate Floor and the Dance Floor There’s a house whip 😉 Sometimes there are bills on the floor You wish Mitch …

Skyboxes

New Plane Has a Corkscrew-shaped Cockpit

Written by: The MQ

Resulting price hike fucks you over

ArticlesLocalNewsTech

Discord Mods Confused About New Kitten Adoption Agency

Written by: Gabrielle Hart

“I hate that I actually know what a catgirl is now,” remarked Ahmed.Photo by Sharon Roth The local humane society has just opened up a newly added …

Skyboxes

Local Dog Votes

Written by: The MQ

Has bone to pick with incumbent

ArticlesNewsPolitics

“Dead Man’s Party” Re-Enters US Billboard’s Hot 100s as Biden Presidency Begins

Written by: Aniela Drumonde

Who could ask for more? Many people did, but this is what we got.Photo by Jack Yang As President Joe Biden, noted as “still alive” by many …

Briefs

Gamestop Offers $5 Trade-in Deal for GME Shares

Written by: Dan Kaliblotzky

Gamestop Offers $5 Trade-in Deal for GME Shares Video game retailer GameStop has unveiled a new trade-in service in response to the attention they’ve received from …

ArticlesLocalNews

Popular Magician Questioned in Wife’s Disappearance

Written by: Matthew Miltimore

“They’ll find the body before that two-bit magician can say, ‘Abra cadaver!’” claimed Tellor.Photo by Maria Dhilla Daniel Siegfried, more commonly known by his stage name, Dynamic …

Briefs

Student Comes Out as Non-binary, Assaulted with Kindness

Written by: Andrew Sitko

Student Comes Out as Non-binary, Assaulted with Kindness Local student, Bandrew Bitko, has recently reported an “assault of kindness” after they came out as non-binary. Bitko …

Features

The MQ Makes a Picnic Date

Written by: The MQ

It’s going to be Valentine’s Day in a couple of days, and
you’re already going to be disappointed, what with the
everything going on. So why not get your hopes up even
more by imagining… the perfect date?!

Sunday Comics

Plants

Written by: Ram Sivapalan, Bri Arce and Hanaa Moosavi

Capitalistic Exploits and Burrito Binging.