Top Ten Things You Should Buy With Your Stimulus Check

10. A special order for a T-shirt that reads: “I went through unprecedented times and all I got was this stupid T-shirt”
11. The domain name “coolmusic.org”
12. A taxidermied rat wearing a little ballerina costume
13. Your local congressperson’s silence
14. A donation to Jeff Bezos
15. The rights to use one stock photo of Walmart
16. A divorce lawyer
17. Every season of “Phineas and Ferb” on Blu-ray
18. A subscription to Quibi
19. Anything to fill that hole inside of you