Opinion

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I Got You This Heart-Shaped Box for Valentine’s Day Vs. You Fool! I Need a Real Human Heart!

Written by: Jack Yang

Point: I Got You This Heart-Shaped Box for Valentine’s Day Hey Annie. Happy Valentine’s Day. I’m not great at the whole romance thing, but I wanted …

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Being A Raccoon is Harder Than You Think

Written by: Claire McNerney

Trust me, I’ve been there. I was once like you: happy and free, eating warm, full meals with my forks and knives. You stupid, stupid students, …

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Okay, Fine, I Still Haven’t Seen Squid Game

Written by: Aniela Drumonde and Jacob King

Can you keep a secret? Swear it. Swear on your life. I don’t think I can hide it any longer. It’s been trapped inside of me, …

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My Life Isn’t So Bad Actually vs. I’m From a Different Dimension, You’re in the dark timeline

Written by: Jacob King

Point: My Life Isn’t So Bad Actually By Ben Wilson “Bad” Version I know this may sound crazy, but I kinda enjoy my life. After over …

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I’m the gallon of milk in your fridge you have not touched since week 1

Written by: Melina Cruz

This cold, desolate land has been all I’ve known. When I was chosen by you, I thought I had a chance at a rich, adventurous life. …

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Hark! Welcometh Back to Mine ThouTube Channel

Written by: Bartholomew “Thou Shalt Like and Subscribe” Goodman, Alex Riensch-Goldstein and Sharon Roth

Hark! Welcometh back to mine ThouTube channel. Maketh sure to like, comment, and tell thy bellkeep to ring the bell in the towne square so thou …

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The Worm From The Labyrinth Is the Best Character Ever and Here’s Why

Written by: Miranda May

Ello! See, isn’t that a lovely way to start off a conversation? Not a “hello” but an “ello”. That’s what a cute little worm named William …

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To Anna, The Girl In Front Of Me Who Stole My Joke In York Hall

Written by: Aniela Drumonde

A Hopeful Funeral Dirge

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It’s Too Soon to Start Playing Christmas Music vs. I Never Stopped

Written by: Everett Ririe

Point: It’s Too Soon to Start Playing Christmas Music By Dr. Bob A. O’Riley Chairman of the Committee for National Holiday Declaration I cannot believe you …

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I Got Salmonella From UCSD Dining Halls vs. We Don’t Even Serve Salmon!

Written by: Yuri Bukhradze

Point: I Got Salmonella From UCSD Dining Halls By Sam O. Nella Hungry Student This is ridiculous. I pay God knows how much for housing (which …