News
Police Investigate UCSD, Still Unsure If Arsons Were Crime or Civic Duty
On the morning of April 17, UCSD students awoke to learn that four of the Fairbanks coffee carts had gone up in flames in a coordinated …
Bystander-Performed Surgery Not Completely Fatal, Proves Non-Necessity of Healthcare
San Diego local Marc Lehman was reported as “still mostly alive” after suffering a severe car crash in early May. Lehman’s survival is being hailed by …
Graduating Senior Finds Graduated Cylinder More Accurate Than “Eyeballing It”
Last week, graduating senior Hank Marlon had a huge discovery when he was about to enter his last laboratory class, BIMM 121. He came forward in …
The Wiggles Found to Be Implicated in Dissolution of the Soviet Union
On December 26, 1991 the people of the former Soviet Republics rejoiced at their newly acknowledged independence with the official dissolution of the Soviet Union. On …
Graduating Student More Computer Than Scientist
Graduating computer science major Ilan Hannan was struck by the realization this week that his degree prepared him to be more of a computer than a …
First Year Student Sure They’ll Have Enough Time to Pack All Their Stuff in the Next Hour
After a week of “definitely not putting it off,” UCSD first year Brian Mannard has decided to begin the process of moving out, approximately one hour …
Area Mom Excited to See Son, Area Student Excited to See PlayStation 4
The school year is ending soon, and many parents are getting excited at the thought of their children coming back home. Area mom Caitlyn Lettie is …
FBI Begins New Director Selection Process Inspired by Shark Tank
On May 9, President Trump made the controversial decision to fire FBI Director James Comey, who had initiated an investigation on the extent of Russian involvement …
Area Woman “Woulda, Coulda, but Definitely Shouldn’tva”
Local woman Vanessa Mræl intended to perform an action, had the capacity to perform that action, but decided judiciously that performing such an action was a …
Study Shows Only Divine Intervention Can Make You Pass This Class
Researchers announced on Wednesday that their extensive data on your history in MATH 20C has revealed that only an act of God could turn your grade …
