News
Investigation Finds Rhode Island Is Not an Island
The state of Rhode Island was once thought to be the fringe belief by conspiracy theorists and rogue cartographers alike, but enough evidence has been leaked …
Student Unsure How Person Across From Them on the Shuttle Feels About Them
An anonymous student on the North Campus shuttle going from the Regents Lot to Price Center last Wednesday at 11:13 a.m. reported feeling “unsure” about how …
Putin Invited into Trump’s Tree House, but Not in a “Buddy Buddy” Way
On February 13, international news publications reported that U.S. troops killed up to 100 Russian fighters after they attacked a U.S. held base in Syria. At …
RateMyProfessors Adds New Varieties of Peppers To Its Hotness Rating
On Saturday, the popular website RateMyProfessors.com revolutionized its rating process by adding more ranking to its “hotness” rating. Previously signified by the options “Yeah” or “Um, …
March Madness Renamed March Happiness
On February 24th this past year, the National Collegiate Athletic Association renamed its annual basketball tournament “March Happiness” instead of “March Madness” in an attempt to …
CAPEs Revealed To Be Elaborate Prank by Professors
After many quarters of professors promoting CAPEs as if they were direly important, a new discovery has shed some light on their real purpose. Local student …
Muir College Announces New Writing Sequence: John Muir Writing Extravaganza
Muir College Writing Program (MCWP) director Carrie Wastal recently unveiled a complete overhaul of the MCWP series. She said that the provosts from the other colleges …
Turnitin.com To Start Accepting Submissions by Fax
Starting April 2018, Turnitin.com, the popular plagiarism prevention tool used by many professors, will start accepting submissions by fax and begin shutting down the online portion …
Political Science Major Genuinely Believes He Will Become President One Day
As a candidate, Stevens is sure that he has what it takes to make it into the Oval Office. Not only did he compete in Model …
Man Awaiting Ultimate Heat Death of Universe Unimpressed by Rate of Global Warming
“Some people would say I’m a climate change denier,” Forms elaborated, “On the contrary, I consider myself a science and evidence-based man. All I’m saying is …
