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RateMyProfessors Adds New Varieties of Peppers To Its Hotness Rating

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In response to the professor’s announcement about the final, one student told reporters, “I’m taking this class ass/no-ass.”
Photo by: Jessica Ma

On Saturday, the popular website RateMyProfessors.com revolutionized its rating process by adding more ranking to its “hotness” rating. Previously signified by the options “Yeah” or “Um, no,” new options now range from ghost pepper, described as “Oh yeah,” to generic ground pepper, described as “Bring a blindfold to class because there’s nothing to see here.” Other options include poblano for “If they pay for dinner,” green bell pepper for “Only if I need a wedding plus one,” and habanero for “Mmmm girl, lemme get a fan because it is hot in here, girl ooh boy.”

RateMyProfessors.com describes the new feature as “a resource for students dedicated to their education.” The new feature now appears in a detailed image of the selected pepper for each review. Tags and number ratings previously at the top of a page for a professor have been replaced with a collage of all peppers used in their reviews and a large chili pepper filled to a point to represent their rating. “This redesign really puts into focus what we want to do with this website,” says MTVU RateMyProfessors representative George Wright. “We had to think critically about what truly contributes to college students’ learning: Fair grading, effective teaching, and fuckable professors.”

Some pepper descriptions have been criticized for their differences among professor genders. “I know a sociology professor at Berkeley that is getting bell peppers, and his rating says ‘he’s pretty cute on some days,’ but I have a whole jalapeno and mine still says ‘probably like a 6. Get this hag away from you if you respect yourself,’” said literature department professor Susan Balter. “Some of my female friends are getting ‘Ugly bitch,’ but for the same thing that gets a man a ‘Have my babies right now in this lecture hall.’ Since when were Serrano peppers gendered like that?” Users have reported that there is no option for a neutral rating on some female teachers. The most mild ratings were found with Carolina Reaper for “Ooh girl, turn around and write something on the chalkboard so I can see that ass!” and cayenne for “Ooh girl, turn around and write something on the chalkboard so I don’t have to see that face!” Comments about grading and teaching methods of female teachers have gone down since the update.

New ratings seem to have affected Spring 2018 enrollment already. Richard Nguyen, an award-winning physicist with numerous reports on RateMyProfessors.com and CAPE to be lenient with grading, currently has one person signed up for his PHYS 1B class while that of John Regnart, with a 5.0 difficulty rating and a Dragon’s Breath pepper rating of “Get in my pants this instant” has 40 on the wait-list for every section he is planned to teach. David Wang, a second year biology major, explains his decision: “RateMyProfessors still has a difficulty rating? I didn’t know there was anything to scroll to. Anyways, I’m first on the wait-list, and I’m not missing this opportunity.” Professor Regnart was last seen preparing for CAPE evaluations by buying tearaway pants.

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Dan Kaliblotzky is a fourth-year at UCSD. He aspires to find a career in soulful heavy metal Phineas and Ferb covers.

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