Putin Invited into Trump’s Tree House, but Not in a “Buddy Buddy” Way


Written by: Sage Cristal

“Hey after this do you want to play in my underground bunker?” Putin asked Trump.
Photo by: Daniel Eliyahu

On February 13, international news publications reported that U.S. troops killed up to 100 Russian fighters after they attacked a U.S. held base in Syria. At the time, reporters also published articles that said the President of Russia, Vladimir Putin, had to approve of the attacks. Now the White House announced that following the confrontation, President Trump is finally ready to meet with Putin about the insurrection.

At the press briefing held last night, Sarah Huckabee Sanders told reporters, “The President has done a lot of thinking about how America should respond to Russia’s attack on American forces. It is with this message that Mr. Putin is formally invited to meet President Trump in the latter’s tree house in the White House backyard. He is advised to come tonight at midnight, with no backup, and armed with only a slingshot. The President also seeks to inform Putin that ‘street rules’ are in place for the meeting.”

Following this press briefing, many opponents of Trump have come out in opposition of his plans to confront Putin. One CNN anchor commented, “There are far better ways to solve any strain between international allies, and Trump is being childish as always.” A news correspondent at FOX news replied to this comment saying, “I would have to agree that Trump is being childish. We all know he is inviting Putin to bring a slingshot to a gunfight. If I were Putin, I would have at least four guns strapped to my body for this brawl, but he’s probably not familiar with our All-American Second Amendment rights.”

There has not been an official update from the White House on the results of Trump’s meeting with Putin last night. However, some members of the press were able to document Trump climbing the ladder to his tree house at 11:58 with a Nerf gun in his back pocket as well as Putin climbing up the President’s tree house at 11:59 by jumping from branch to branch with a slingshot in his mouth. An hour later, reporters surveilling the scene found a sign reading “no girls allowed” erected on the White Tree-House.

Although reporters have not witnessed Trump and Putin climb down from the ladder, a photograph taken at 5 a.m. shows Putin and Trump playing a card game that the scientific community has classified as either Go Fish, War, or Speed.

Following Huckabee Sanders’s announcement about Trump meeting with Putin, the White House announced that Trump will not leave the tree house until an agreement has been reached, and Putin has agreed to publicly apologize to the troops and their families. Trump clarified this point by tweeting: “Putin isn’t a bad guy. He’s a smart guy. He’ll apologize and never pull a stunt like that again. Believe me. Also, he’s also a mean card player. I hope we can do this again sometime.”

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Sage Cristal is the woman of your dreams. She sings, she dances, and has a WWE Championship Replica Title Belt. She is currently training to be the next American Ninja Warrior.

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