U.S. Children Secede, Form Gun-Free Country

Written by: Summer Davis

This day in the history in Kidonia would later be known as “the shots not heard around the world.”
Photo by: Daniel Clinton

This month, former U.S. citizens under the age of 18 established a gun-free country called Kidonia in response to decades of inaction over school shootings.

“We couldn’t vote in the U.S., but we were getting tired of living in a country where children are shot in schools,” said fifth-grade student and Kidonian Press Secretary Arthur Chen. “So we were just like, ‘Why don’t we make our own country?’ And then we won’t be shot while we’re reading books and stuff.”

The idea for Kidonia started in a Facebook group founded by people who had been at a school when a shooting happened. The plan was trending in record time as there were 150,000 teenagers in the group.

“It’s weird how quickly it worked,” Secretary Chen continued. “None of my friends have been shot yet, so it seems like when you get rid of guns, fewer people are shot with guns.”

The framers of Kidonia’s Constitution used what they learned as U.S. citizens to draft a set of laws they believe will lead to a less violent country. Only the top students from history and writing classes were allowed to participate in writing the new nation’s laws.

“There’s no Second Amendment,” said two-time winner of the Student of the Month award in Mr. McGill’s American History class and newly-elected president of Kidonia, Rosa Gutierrez. “Literally. It goes from the First Amendment straight to the Third Amendment. We’re not dealing with that.” Another change from the U.S. Constitution is that voting rights are granted to any Kidonian who is affected by the laws their politicians enact. Under this rule, 100 percent of the country is eligible to vote.

“The problem in the U.S. is that it’s really hard to get politicians to listen to you if you’re a kid because they’re adults, and you can’t vote or donate three million dollars to their campaigns,” said President Gutierrez. “So we fixed that by giving everyone the right to vote and also by banning adults. It’s in Article I: #EndCorruption.”

The ban on adults was the most controversial section of Kidonia’s Constitution as many citizens are now separated from their families. However, President Gutierrez stated, “The adults had one job and that was keeping us alive. They couldn’t even do that.”

“I guess I miss my parents, but I call them all the time,” Secretary Chen said. “If I was dead because someone shot me I wouldn’t be able to do that. Also I can go to bed whenever I want now.”

Kidonia will face their first international challenge in dealing with the U.S. — specifically, the influx of Americans fleeing violence that are applying for refugee visas. However, President Gutierrez is unsympathetic to the struggles of the Americans.

“If they don’t want guns, Americans should vote in their own country to get rid of them,” she said. “They can fix it themselves. I don’t want them bringing that gun-loving culture past our borders.”

President Gutierrez’s 18-year-old sister, Francine, has different opinions on the issue. “I can’t believe that little twerp left me behind. It’s freaking dangerous here. There hasn’t been a school shooting for two days, so I’m getting worried. Like, we live in Texas. They let people carry guns on campus. Whenever someone puts their hand in their pocket, I remember what my old kindergarten teacher taught me: tuck and roll. She’s teaching self defense now since all her students emigrated.”

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