News
Sans Announcement Causes Trump to Worry About Skeleton Immigration
After opening the invitation letter, Trump was reportedly surrounded by animated text reading, “Donald Trumps the Competition.”Photo by Jack Yang Over the summer, many fans of …
UCSD Begins Construction on New Housing Crisis
“Don’t worry, these dorms are also filled with asbestos,” said Jhaveri after describing the new student housing development on top of Tenaya Hall.Photo by Jack Yang …
Local Glass-Breaking Business is a “Smashing Success”
In response to concerns over possible injuries from broken glass, the store owners reassured customers that “there is nothing to worry about. We have a waiver …
Study Finds Increased Alcohol Consumption Correlated with Higher GPA
Luna reportedly tries to keep his blood alcohol levels at the same number as his GPA. Photo by: Jack Yang College students who engage in alcohol …
UC Chancellors Appoint Themselves as Permanent Commencement Speakers
On the topic of how the graduates will succeed in life, Khosla said, “You will not make it on a boat, you will not make it …
RNC to Propose Monthly Virginity Tests for Women
McDaniel told reporters, “It takes a village to raise a child, and luckily my uterus is owned by our great village of the US of A!”Photo …
Bernie Sanders Expected to be Crucified and Resurrected in First Democratic Primary Debate
After three days, polling showed that Bernie Sanders’ popularity rose again.Photo by Jessica Ma As the first Democratic primary debate of the 2020 election season approaches, …
Students Prepare for Annual End-of-the-Year Galbraith Book Burning
School officials later declared the book burning event a new part of the Stuart Art Collection and titled the piece: “Disco Inferno.” Photo by Jay Noonan …
H&M Mannequin Joins Democratic Primary Race
Trump has reportedly shared many concerns about the fact that candidate Robert Perrson was made in China.Photo by Jack Yang Robert Perrson, a mannequin from the …
Graduating Pre-Law Student Ready to Become Written into Law; No Longer Just a Bill on Capitol Hill
“What happens if I get vetoed? Do I die?” asked Brakelian when she was told she didn’t have the approval of President Trump. Photo by Jack …
