News
Students Prepare for Annual End-of-the-Year Galbraith Book Burning
School officials later declared the book burning event a new part of the Stuart Art Collection and titled the piece: “Disco Inferno.” Photo by Jay Noonan …
H&M Mannequin Joins Democratic Primary Race
Trump has reportedly shared many concerns about the fact that candidate Robert Perrson was made in China.Photo by Jack Yang Robert Perrson, a mannequin from the …
Study Finds Increased Alcohol Consumption Correlated with Higher GPA
Luna reportedly tries to keep his blood alcohol levels at the same number as his GPA. Photo by: Jack Yang College students who engage in alcohol …
UC Chancellors Appoint Themselves as Permanent Commencement Speakers
On the topic of how the graduates will succeed in life, Khosla said, “You will not make it on a boat, you will not make it …
Graduating Pre-Law Student Ready to Become Written into Law; No Longer Just a Bill on Capitol Hill
“What happens if I get vetoed? Do I die?” asked Brakelian when she was told she didn’t have the approval of President Trump. Photo by Jack …
Grocery Store Shut Down Due to Unsolicited Hand Holding Incident
Crass was later charged with destruction of evidence for washing his hands.Photo by Jack Yang “Smarts,” a local grocery store located in Youngtown, Arizona, has shut …
Starbucks Announces New Summer Frappuccinos To Retain Customers
One customer ordered their Cheeseburger Frappuccino with “no pickles, light whip.”Photo by: Stephen Lightfoot With summer approaching, the number of social media posts from millennials are …
Area Man Holds Unique Opinion on Abortion That Deserves to be Heard
“I even had to explain to the women what ‘man-splaining’ was,” said “Women’s Advocate” Charlie Miller. Photo by Stephen Lightfoot In response to the recent debate …
Firefighter Rescues Bird Stuck in Sky
“That ungrateful bastard went straight back up afterwards,” said the firefighter after the ordeal. Photo by Jack Yang Locals were relieved last Thursday to find that …
Graduating Senior Excited to Study Abroad, Put Off the Inevitable
Hykins was reportedly enthralled when she purchased her “one-way ticket from Berlin to unemployment.” Photo by Stephen Lightfoot In an attempt to ignore the inevitability of …
