“Guys, we should make shirts,” Rivers said, as his roommates avoided eye contact.
Photo by Jack Yang
After another year of working to find the perfect Move-In Day formula, Muir housing made the mistake of switching freshman Johnny Rivers and Elliot Kalakis’ room assignments for early move-in. New Triton Johnny Rivers spent the entire first few nights of on-campus living in an entirely different dorm than the one he was assigned. “I swear, when they handed me the key and told me that I would be in Tamarack instead of Tuolumne, I took it as a blessing. I mean, all my friends said that that was the best building in Muir,” Rivers told reporters when asked about the mix-up. “It definitely set off red flags when other students kept calling me Elliot, but I just chalked it up to a funny joke that was like some type of UCSD tradition.” After a whole night masquerading as Elliot Kalakis, Rivers decided to call his parents and ask for their opinions.
“It was hilarious; I picked up the phone and listened to Johnny’s conversation with mom and couldn’t believe what I was hearing,” Crystal Rivers, 15, confessed when asked about the situation, “he was so confused and thought the entire dorm was hazing him even though they were all freshmen just like him. What was he thinking?” Rivers’ parents reportedly gave Muir housing staff a “piece of their minds” when they figured out exactly what had happened to their son on Move-in Day.
“Listen, if your parents are going to come with you to Move-In Day, stand with you and watch them tell you the wrong dorm room while handing you a key, and still go along with it, then technically they are just as at fault as we were. I mean, they yelled at us for a good two hours, and I had a second dorm meeting to get to. Those are important you know, helps acclimate the other students to dorm life. I could not afford to be late.” Francis Blummen is a third year student employee working as one of the Tamarack residential advisors. When the Rivers called UCSD Muir staff, they were transferred to her line seeing as she was the advisor to Johnny River’s
Rivers was quickly transferred to the correct housing assignment within the hour at the end of the phone call. Kalakis was informed of the fiasco and said he was grateful to have managed to avoid it entirely. He was slated for a regular move in time and would not have been on campus until five days after Rivers came. Muir staff has made sure to up their certainty when handing keys to students with a new policy of double checking IDs, and asking for the names of students rather than guessing.
Whether you’re at a FOOSH showcase or an MQ meeting, you’ll be sure to hear Hanaa Moosavi laugh—even through her own jokes, and we love her for it. You can catch Hanaa lurking on Facebook, serving her god Mark Zuckerberg as the Muir Quarterly Social and Publicity Ottoman. Hanaa has also been sighted chowing down on her favorite food in the Muir quad, developing her latest scheme to become the first emperor of America: one chaotic MQ comic at a time. That is, when she isn’t crying over dog pictures.