Local Student Plans to Hit the Gym Over Summer, Resolution Lasts a Week

Written by: Jay Noonan

“It took me like 10 situps to reach the remote, so I think I’m good for the day,” said Wyland.
Photo by Jack Yang

Second year Sid Wyland announced his formal resignation yesterday from an agreement he had struck with his housemates. According to the group, every member had made a deal to hold each other responsible for working out over the summer, planning to hit the gym together. Yet, according to multiple sources, Wyland failed to uphold his end of the deal.

When interviewed about his failure to continue, Wyland stated that “I couldn’t keep up with it. The first few days weren’t too bad but it just got too hard to keep going. My legs hurt just from walking to the gym and it didn’t feel very rewarding. A whole week and no change.” At which point Wyland rolled up his sleeve and attempted to flex, only revealing a thin, noodle-like arm.

When pressed for a comment, other gym goers seemed apathetic or outright unaware of Wyland’s attempts. One patron who wished to remain unnamed expressed her impression of Wyland the day she saw him at the gym.“He’s that scrawny kid, right? He came in with a couple of friends, but didn’t really do much. He sat on his phone and it looked like he was putting together a playlist on Spotify or something, maybe to try to motivate himself? Anyway I think he tried to lift some dumbbells off the rack but he didn’t last very long and only stayed in the gym for maybe half an hour.”

Wylands roommates didn’t show much surprise about their work-out buddy slacking on his end of the deal. Donald Newport, a third year
living in the house, spoke up about the betrayal.

“We didn’t expect too much when we asked Sid to join us, honestly we’re surprised he even stuck with it for a week. He mostly stays in his room playing video games or watching tv all day. We’ve just stopped asking if he’s coming when we go. He complains about the walk even though it’s like 10 feet from our building.”

When asked if he had any defense, Wyland shrugged his shoulders. “I guess I’m just not cut out for that kind of thing. I’ve got more important things to catch up on, like sleeping or binging Supernatural. It’s up to like 15 seasons now, that’s practically gonna take the whole summer to watch. But you know, someone’s gotta do it, right? And I’ve been thinking about getting back into League of Legends, maybe if I put in some more practice I could play competitively. I just sometimes lose motivation and go a few weeks without playing, but that’s fine. I’ll always go back to it when I get bored again and I’m sure I’ll do the same thing with the gym.”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *