The committee ultimately decided that Eminem wouldn’t be a part of the section due to his “clearly suburban haircut.”
Photo by Jack Yang
After their controversial decision to separate artists from Korea into a separate K-pop category for awards purposes, MTV executives are prepared to continue this trend by adding a “Urban Music” award. MTV President Chris McCarthy stated that he believes this decision will improve the fairness of the awards ceremony by ensuring an even playing field for white artists.
“Let’s face it, no one wants to see a black, asian, or latino person winning any of our flagship awards. What’s worse is these people are breaking records by actually creating good music that isn’t the overproduced crap we like.” When asked if these policies could be construed as discriminatory, McCarthy replied, “Some people will inevitably call us racist and out of touch, but we’re just making sure our awards are being represented by real Americans that look like me.”
Boy band BTS and pop singer Halsey have expressed concern over the creation of the new category. “I don’t understand why I got nominated for the more general awards and BTS got shunted to the K-pop awards,” shared Halsey. “These guys outsold the Jonas Brothers and Panic! At the Disco for crying out loud, and all the nominators think is, ‘Whoa, Asians!’ If even Beyoncé can’t get nominated for these other awards in the future, the VMAs can go screw themselves.”
Luis Fonsi, the artist behind “Despacito,” also shared his frustration with the creation of the new genre. “My music video is literally the most watched video in YouTube history, and I still got put in the Latin category instead of any of the others, just because I sing in Spanish. If this keeps going on, all the VMAs are going to have left are pasty country singers.” In response to these artists’ comments, McCarthy insisted that they didn’t understand what they were saying. “They just don’t understand how we do things here. Maybe it’s the language barrier.” McCarthy was reportedly confused when informed that the artists already spoke English and that people from other parts of the world could learn the language.
MTV is faces a large backlash against their “Urban Music” category, with the hashtag #vmassholes trending on Twitter. Many experts are reportedly predicting this outrage will be financially devastating for the company in the long run, with their stock value plummeting to record lows over the past week. However, one anonymous influencer believes this will be a temporary setback. “A goldfish has a longer memory than these airheads. Give it a month and these people will be moving on to the next big thing, like a Trump tweet or something. God, why do I work with these people?”
Steven Zhou was made in Canada and designed in California. He tolerates writing and has been occasionally funny since 2016.
