Stuart Art Collection Unveils Newest Piece to Upset Students

Written by: Jay Noonan

Augin and Carry commented that it was meant as a reminder that “there’s always time to be an inconvenience.”
Photo by Jack Yang

Last Tuesday morning, university officials were pleased to unveil the newest addition to the Stuart Collection. Constructed in the center of library walk, a massive clock tower made to resemble the iconic “Big Ben” of London was erected as an homage to the iconic symbol. It was given the name “Big Triton” by the designers Pugustus Augin and Bharles Carry.

While the university was eager to show off the newest piece of artwork, many students appeared to be less than impressed. Casey Moore, a third-year student from Sixth College, told reporters, “It just doesn’t seem necessary, you know? They blocked off a massive portion of library walk while they were building the thing. And even now that it’s done, it still takes up most of the walkway. It’s causing an awful traffic jam when students are just trying to get to class so now the most efficient route to class requires me to scale the monstrosity and I just don’t have the upper body strength.”

Another student, John Glen, commented that it was “an eyesore,” a “crime against good architecture,” and “painfully European.” Glen also told reporters that Big Triton was reminiscent of the blinking tower that had been installed in Revelle, known as What Hath God Wrought. “At least that one looks cool. That sleek design is eye catching and makes a nice conversation starter. This abomination is just clunky and unnecessary. And it’s redundant, Geisel already chimes at the hour, so now when noon hits my eardrums are assaulted with various bells, bings, and bongs.”

Students have told reporters that when these complaints were brought up with administration, they were dismissed with “a wave of a hand and an offhand comment about how some people just don’t get modern art.” In a press conference Tuesday evening, Khosla told reporters, “I know art and this is art! It’s tall, and expensive, and totally in your face! Art should make a statement, and although I’m not sure what this piece is saying, I know it’s definitely saying something!” When asked to reveal the cost of building Big Triton Khosla refused any further comment, though he could be heard mumbling something about another tuition hike if complaints kept coming in.

Despite complaints, university officials state that Big Triton will not be going anywhere anytime soon. Administration advises that students pass single file around the perimeter when moving through Library Walk. Professors have reached out to officials, saying reports of tardiness have been increasing with students blaming the clock for their lateness. One anonymous student wrote in to reporters saying, “What’s the point of installing a clock if it won’t even give us the right time? I get that it’s mimicking that clock in England, but did they really have to set it to that timezone too? It’s hard enough to try to even remember when my classes are, it doesn’t help when I look at the clock and panic because I thought I missed my class. If I fail this quarter for having too many absences, I blame Big Bass or whatever the fuck it’s called.”

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