UCSD Student’s Bedroom Confused for Glassware Antique Show


Written by: Dan Kaliblotzky

One of the plates pictured was taken for further inspection after scientists found a culture on it dating back to 2013.
Photo by Jay Noonan

Taylor Fetner, a 20-year-old UCSD student, came to his La Jolla Palms apartment last Wednesday to find a group of people browsing through various items in his room. They had reportedly come due to rumors of an antique glassware and ceramic showcase in the area. Fetner’s room, displaying 25 glasses, five 80s movie-themed mugs, 10 medium floral patterned plates, and a “vase,” fit the description, according to those keeping up with the La Jolla glassware market.

“I was absolutely enamored by the plates offered by the Fetner collection,” said Ernest Weatherton, president of the California Ceramic Connoisseur Collective. “I was particularly drawn to a mac-and-cheese-stained, square-shaped piece that appeared to be decorated by a child at a ceramic-painting establishment. It was a crude drawing of a stick figure holding the stick-figure hand of a taller figure with exaggerated eyelashes represented by simplistic lines. The amount of genre-breaking ideas and psychedelic drugs I’m sure went into conceptualizing a piece this unique is beyond my imagination. I never would have thought to represent humans in this form in my own work.”

Other attendants of the gathering were less impressed by the selection. Christian Martinson, La Jolla’s self-proclaimed Leading Festive Mug Owner, judged the mugs as a “pathetic display of Target value pack bullshit.” Martinson also remarked, “All I want is the ‘83 special edition first print Return of the Jedi mug, but nobody in this wasteland of a city even knows about it! How could someone call this place an exhibition if there’s not even one green-rarity ceramic mug in the place?”

“I never called this place an exhibition,” commented Fetner. He had spent most of the day at a friend’s house “admiring their glassware” when the congregation of glass enthusiasts appeared in his room. Fetner reportedly did not know he was organizing a glass and ceramic marketplace for the greater La Jolla area, but “went with it” when he arrived. “Listen, I’m a little short on cash, and I didn’t want to clean the dishes anyways. Most of this stuff is mine, so it just seemed like extra effort to carry it all the way back to the kitchen. And my mom didn’t notice when I took the plates from home, so she won’t notice when random people take it from my apartment.”

Liam Davison, Fetner’s roommate, organized the event. “You wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve asked Taylor to bring the cups back to the kitchen. He keeps using new glasses just to take water back to his room, and now he doesn’t even put his laptop on his desk because there’s no space. I don’t know if he’s practicing some kind of glass harmonica talent show or if he’s just lazy, but I’m sick of this.”

At the end of the event, most customers left the room, but several new items were left by others in the apartment complex with an excess of glassware that they intended to sell, Fetner was last seen asleep on the living room couch, his own bed covered in Pickle Rick glass pipes adorned with $15 price stickers.

MQ Uncle's Roomate

Dan Kaliblotzky is a fourth-year at UCSD. He aspires to find a career in soulful heavy metal Phineas and Ferb covers.

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