News
Area Writer Admitted to Jacobs Burn Center Due to Burnout
A further look into Stefanovic’s computer revealed 37 work-in-progress documents.Photo by Jack Yang UCSD student Joe Stefanovic, a 20 year-old satire writer, has recently been admitted to …
Experts Recommend Daylight Roth IRA Over Daylight Savings
Half of the protest reportedly failed to show up because they “fell forward” instead of “falling back.”Photo by Silver Wallace On November 3, residents across San Diego …
Costco Sample Guy in Consideration for Michelin Star
Critics’ only complaint was that they could only take one sample at a time.Photo by Jack Yang Longtime employee of Claremont’s Costco Wholesale, Hank McKindle, has been …
Christmas Karaoke Night Turns Political
When arrested, Karen Fletcher reportedly yelled to her daughter, “When I get out on parole, you are SO grounded!”Photo by Jack Yang On Sunday, December 1, the …
Local Student Seeks to Learn Who Gerry Mandering Is
Quill later wanted to find out who “All” was and why they should get Medicare.Photo by Jack Yang First-year ERC student Tara Quill, after just now realizing …
Report Finds Impossible Whopper Killed 12 People, Considered “Healthiest Burger on the Market”
One of the twelve eulogies reportedly stated: “Now they will always have it their way.”Photo by Jack Yang Pew Research has found the Impossible Whopper from Burger …
Area Mom Challenges Eminem to Wrap Battle
While Morales could wrap a gift with perfectly flush edges and a seamless tape job, she was no match for Eminem’s scathing hot rhymes.Photo by Jack Yang …
Warren Dining Hall Reopening Delayed by Raccoon Takeover
Despite concerns that the new food being served would be contaminated by rabies, various Warren students said that had always been a concern.Photo by Jack Yang The …
New Trump Healthcare Program Supplies Public With Healing Crystals
Doctors are encouraging patients to look at their prescribed crystals at least twice a day.Photo by Jack Yang In January 2020, the Trump administration will roll out …
Campus Squirrels Outraged After Hearing About No Nut November
Nibbles was reportedly distraught at how nuts the situation was.Photo by Jack Yang Area squirrels Nibbles and Chipper are furious after being told about the phenomenon known …
