News
Campus Squirrels Outraged After Hearing About No Nut November
Nibbles was reportedly distraught at how nuts the situation was.Photo by Jack Yang Area squirrels Nibbles and Chipper are furious after being told about the phenomenon known …
“Distant Relative ‘Cannot BELIEVE’ How Much You’ve Grown Since Last Christmas”
After witnessing the growth of her grandnephew, Great Aunt Patty immediately went to work knitting 75 larger sweaters and cooking 32 times the original amount of …
UCSD Announces New Solution to Student Housing Shortage: Plague
Sources report a stressed out student was heard saying, “I have a midterm tomorrow. If I get the plague, then I get the plague.”Photo by Jack Yang …
SoCal Moms Poison Trees to Capture Fall Aesthetic
Miller shared with reporters: “I have an autumn complexion, so my yard needs one too!”Photo by Jade Coniglio A local Homeowner’s Association has mandated that every …
UCSD Professor Assigns Controversial Vibe Check Instead of Midterm
Sources later confirmed that none of the answers were correct. Photo by Jack Yang Dr. Frank N. Stein of UC San Diego made waves in the …
Promiscuous Frat Boy Misinterprets Title of “Halloweenie” Cookout
The fraternity reportedly had to cancel their upcoming hot dog fest due to this incident.Photo by Jack Yang First-year Austin Smang was arrested at the University …
Headless Horseman Accepted into UCSD, Considered “Perfect Fit” for Campus
The Headless Horseman reportedly felt stress at one point in his life, but “just got over it.”Photo by Jack Yang In a move one anonymous source …
College Student Joins 57 Student Organizations for Free Food, Shocked to Discover They Have Commitments
Mann was reportedly confused when the Prelaw Society asked her when she was coming for mock debates.Photo by Jack Yang Incoming first year at UC San Diego, …
UCSD Wi-Fi Found To Be Powered by a Naked Mole Rat
Upon hearing the news, a faculty member from the biology department said, “Oh, so that’s where they go.”Photo by Jack Yang The cause of recent internet …
Manly Flavors Offered for New Male Birth Control
Unlike women’s birth control, this can be purchased over the counter, and at lower prices.Photo by Sharon Roth In an effort to make hormonal birth control options …
