News
President Xi Jinping’s Family-Friendly, Close-Up Magic TikTok Series Goes Viral
After the new plan was enacted on the platform, tensions have reportedly risen between the BTS Army and the People’s Liberation Army.Photo by Sharon Roth Since the …
Statisticians Create New Phe-Nominal Scale for Extra Special Data Points
“Noferror’s rebuttal of my use of medians was valid, but some of the comments made by other statisticians were just plain mean,” said Stribution.Photo by Maria Dhilla …
Santa Claus Teams With Jeff Bezos, Can Finally “Watch Who’s Naughty and Who’s Nice”
Due to a global resource shortage, Santa and Bezos are considering employing naughty kids in coal mines.Photo by Maria Dhilla This holiday season, former Amazon CEO Jeff …
UCSD Gets Railed by Blue Line Extension
Khosla announced the opening of the trolley by reading out of Dr Seuss’ One Line, Two Line, Red Line, Blue Line.Photo by Sharon Roth Over the course …
Facebook Whistleblower Reveals the Internet is Still a Giant Cesspool
“FaceBOOK? Kids these days won’t even know what those things are,” complained one spokesperson.Photo by Jack Yang An ex-employee of Facebook has come forward with a set …
Injuries Sustained After Ice Rink’s New “No Skates Saturday” Deal
Photo by Jack Yang Tragedy struck last Saturday after Ricky’s Ice Skatin’ ice skating rink instituted its new “No Skates Saturday” event in an attempt to bring …
UCSD Chem Majors Have a Thanksgiving Feast of Chemicals
“Technically, everything we eat is made of chemicals but only some of it contains arsenic,” said Cee.Photo by Sharon Roth During the Thanksgiving long weekend, many UCSD …
Welcome To: “THE META UNIVERSITY XPERIENCE”
By Mark Zuckerberg Proud American Hi guys, Zuckerberg here. I’ve always said that the years we spend in college can be some of the most formative …
Developer Builds Houses That Come Pre-Haunted
“The previous tenants loved this house to death,” said Pierce.Photo by Maria Dhilla With current housing market trends causing strife for prospective home-owners and forcing poor, desperate …
New Study Reveals Why All the YouTubers You Liked as a Kid Are Now Anti-Vaxxers
“I don’t need a vaccine to protect me; I have diamond armor,” wrote @fathogjones on Twitter.Photo by Connor Betterly As the number of vaccine mandates grows …
