News
UCSD Invests in Alarm Clock System Disguised as Construction
“Ever since this construction, I’ve been having really vivid dreams of two Transformers going at it,” said Hertz.Photo by Julia Wong Throughout campus, students at UCSD …
U.S. Successfully Withdraws from Afghanistan: “The Pull- Out Method Wins Again”
“Reminds me of when I was in the cervix, I mean service,” recalls one veteran.Photo by Chiara Ng In a recent interview, former President George W. …
Fighter Jet Flyovers of Campus to Increase
A random onlooker cried out: “It’s a bird, it’s a plane, oh fuck, it is a plane!”Photo by Yuri Bukhradze UCSD students have long dealt with …
RA Expecting to Bust a Party Accidentally Busts a Lecture
“I knew they were having a party,” insisted Letale. “Why else would they have their hands up?”Photo by Jack Yang Resident Advisor Tad Letale recounted his most …
Defaced Lecture Hall Causes Quantum Controversy
“I’m so confused, I thought hall was spelled with one ‘L,’” asked Macalou.Photo By Julia Wong The UCSD community was met with shock last Wednesday after …
Fraudulent Blacksmith Forges Sword
“It looks great in my hand but it sucks during warfare,” claimed Jean Dark. “Kind of a double-edged sword.”Photo by Sharon Roth The workshop of Trevor McLintosh …
La Jolla Family Rents Out Doghouse to UCSD Student Amidst Housing Crisis
“I like having the extra money,” said Mrs. MacInson. “But I no longer have a place to send my husband to when he messes around with …
Ben Platt Reveals His Secret to Staying Young
“Up next, I’m auditioning for the role of Annie,” said Ben Platt.Photo by Sharon Roth Actor Benjamin Plattypus, more commonly known as Ben Platt, has recently been …
UC Regents Evacuates UCSD, Raccoon Insurgency Rises to Power
“One man’s trash is another man’s missile defense system,” said Drake.Photo by Sharon Roth Uncertainty and fear struck the hearts of the UCSD community as UC Regents …
Online Proxy Warrior Stuck in Infinite Loop
“This guy is a moron,” said Pheer, responding to his own tweet.Photo by Yuri Bukhradze Kyle Pheer, an online proxy warrior, is reportedly stuck in an infinite …
