News
UCSD Implements Inclusivity “Mxndate”, Enforces Binary “Mxntality”
Photo by Sharon Roth After months of anticipation and several strongly worded email from campus TERFs, UCSD is finally rolling out their “Inclusivity Mxndate.” Chancellor Khosla …
Breaking News: Animal Spotted in Local Forest
“It’s like a Pokémon… but real,” explained Buttage.Photo by Maria Dhilla Late on Thursday night, UCSD sophomore Peter Buttage noticed an unidentified animal in a eucalyptus grove …
Khosla Releases New “Crypto And Kitchen Exchange” Plan to Replace Dining Dollars
“I don’t give a shit about all this talk of legal tenders,” said Hamburg, “I just want my goddamn chicken tenders.”Photo by Jack Yang In light of …
Movie Producer Approves Movie Adaptation of Its Novelization
“If you haven’t read the book and watched the movie, you’re not going to get this one,” claimed one fan.Photo by Sharon Roth In their newest press …
Girls With Crystals to Reignite the Salem Witch Trials
“Tarot cards? This is a taro latte,” said one of the “witches.”Photo by Sharon Roth Self-proclaimed “witches” are over fire after burning crosses, voodoo dolls, and other …
UCSD Students Become One with Racoons During Dining Hall Crisis
“This tastes like trash,” said Vingh. “Thank you,” said the raccoon.Photo by Maria Dhilla This year, understaffed dining halls have struggled to provide service to a record …
Students Move Into Empty Classrooms to Overcome the Housing Crisis
“I had a dream I went to class naked, and then I woke up, naked and in class,” said Lay.Photo by Jack Yang UCSD has recently begun …
Theology Professor Criticized for Requiring Students to Buy Bibles with Access Codes
“I took an abridged version of this course by just staring at the Vices and Virtues building for three hours,” stated Peter.Photo by Chiara Ng Earlier …
UCSD Invests in Alarm Clock System Disguised as Construction
“Ever since this construction, I’ve been having really vivid dreams of two Transformers going at it,” said Hertz.Photo by Julia Wong Throughout campus, students at UCSD …
U.S. Successfully Withdraws from Afghanistan: “The Pull- Out Method Wins Again”
“Reminds me of when I was in the cervix, I mean service,” recalls one veteran.Photo by Chiara Ng In a recent interview, former President George W. …
