Sage Cristal
21-Year-Old Finally Old Enough to Gamble and Drink His Life Away
UCSD student and official adult Darren Costapolis turned 21 last Monday and celebrated with a party full of legal drinking, gambling, and drugs that only a …
UCSD Freshman Pushed Off Campus, Finds Housing With Scary Old Witch in Candy House
UCSD freshman Hammond Angretal has reportedly found off-campus housing for the 2018-19 school year with a scary, old witch who lives in a gingerbread house in …
POINT: Along With Other Politicians, I Will Be Suing a Comedian for Making Jokes at My Expense; COUNTERPOINT: Along With Other Constituents, I Will Be Suing a Politician for Making Judgements at My Expense
POINT: Along With Other Politicians, I Will Be Suing a Comedian for Making Jokes at My Expense Never in my entire political career have I ever …
Police Continue Extensive Manhunt for Area Woman Who Stole Eight Dollars Worth of Lip Gloss
Local law enforcement is conducting a high-priority search for UCSD student Helena Logan, who was witnessed stealing eight dollars worth of lip gloss from a local …
Gaping Hole in Area Woman’s Fishnets Threatens to Expand to Her Butt Crack
Last Thursday night, local news vans crowded around the perimeter of Athena Minral’s apartment after a rumor centered on the current structural integrity of her leg-wear. …
Local Astrologists Find Geminis to Be More Dangerous Than Previously Thought
Late last week, local Astrologist Tammy Cusp completed her life’s work when she published a report documenting the findings of her research concluding that Geminis are …
Putin Invited into Trump’s Tree House, but Not in a “Buddy Buddy” Way
On February 13, international news publications reported that U.S. troops killed up to 100 Russian fighters after they attacked a U.S. held base in Syria. At …
Scientists Discover the Deal With Airline Food, Observational Comedians Rendered Useless
Over the past weekend, billion dollar research institution ONYXX published a report with the most recent findings of their five-year long investigation into the automation of …
Local Big Name Corporation Graciously Allows Santa to Beg For Money on Premises
As the season of giving approaches, a local corporation, Malwart, has given a local charity the privilege to avoid being ticketed for solicitation while shamelessly begging …
Point/Counter Point
Point: Wandering Spirits That Roam Our Physical World Should Be Acknowledged and Respected Every year around All Hallow’s Eve, individuals who are inexperienced in contacting and communicating …
