Sage Cristal
Trump’s Space Force: “We Will Send the First Americans to the Moon by 2044”
Months after introducing the general public to the concept of an American Space Force, President Trump signed a new policy that laid out plans to establish …
Promise You Won’t Get Mad, But …
Promise you won’t get mad? Um, I kind of did a bad thing. But I didn’t mean to do it! It just kind of happened, and …
Local White Person Plays Uno “Reverse” Card on Racism Accusation
San Diego resident Arnold Zimmerman, upon being arrested for a hate crime in an East County Denny’s, attempted to deflect charges by presenting the police with …
New Parents Celebrate Their Fetus’ Genitalia With Cake and Explosions
Last night, parents-to-be Donna and Eric Henway sent out invitations to their upcoming party where they plan to reveal the nature of their unborn child’s genitals …
After Positive Reception of “Detective Pikachu” Movie, SEGA Announces Upcoming “Secret Agent Sonic”
Director Pete Docter has expressed confidence that Secret Agent Sonic will surpass the popularity of Detective Pikachu. “Seriously, a talking pokemon? Not to mention realistic, furry …
Area Ass Just Won’t Quit
After many of her Twitter followers called for her to retire and local teenagers nicknamed her “the Dumbass of San Diego,” area Ass Fanny Kiester announced …
Local Trash Receptacle Feels Like Absolute Garbage
After getting dumped on Monday, a local trash receptacle reports “feeling like absolute garbage.” “I’ve been carrying a lot of baggage,” the receptacle told reporters, “I …
Human Woman Added to Endangered Species List
Following Judge Brett Kavanaugh’s confirmation and appointment to the Supreme Court of the United States, the International Union for Conservation of Nature (IUCN) named human women …
