Written by: Sage Cristal

After getting dumped on Monday, a local trash receptacle reports “feeling like absolute garbage.” “I’ve been carrying a lot of baggage,” the receptacle told reporters, “I feel like I just got dumped on the side of the road. I’ve been put through a lot lately, and I feel like all I get are scraps.”

The trash receptacle’s feelings were most evident in a string of tweets complaining about expensive bills, a lack of friends, and the current political climate. One tweet read, “What kind of world are we living in where our president cares more about his hair than he does about mass shootings? It just stinks.” One of the trash receptacle’s twitter followers told reporters he felt the trash had no place to complain.

“They are so full of shit,” said twitter user @XrecycleAlwys. “They are just mad that they didn’t go out over the weekend, and they will have to wait a week until they get another chance. Something smells fishy, and it’s definitely them.”

The trash receptacle refused a follow-up interview with reporters, but responded to @XrecycleAlwys’s tweet, saying, “I bet you’ve never felt used up in your life. I’m near my breaking point, so unless I get more support there’s going to be a huge mess!”

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Sage Cristal is the woman of your dreams. She sings, she dances, and has a WWE Championship Replica Title Belt. She is currently training to be the next American Ninja Warrior.

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