December 6, 2023 Time traveling since 2088. Volume XXX Issue III

Written by: Sage Cristal

UCSD freshman Hammond Angretal has reportedly found off-campus housing for the 2018-19 school year with a scary, old witch who lives in a gingerbread house in the middle of a forest.

Angretal told reporters that during the summer, he was alerted to the fact that he would not be able to secure on-campus housing. In response, he searched the UCSD Student Off-Campus Housing Facebook group, where he found the scary, old witch advertising a vacant master-bedroom with a private bathroom for $800 a month plus utilities.

After UCSD over-enrolled around 1200 students for the current school year, new students have been scrambling for affordable housing. Although Angretal says his situation is not ideal, he believes it could be worse. “I mean, my roommate is okay. The first night I spent in the house, she started to slather me in butter, but when she saw I was awake she left me alone. Besides that, she makes me a lot of food and in return only asks me to clean the inside of the oven. It really could be worse. I have a friend that is living in a mini-triple.”

Fairy Godmother at The MQ

Sage Cristal is the woman of your dreams. She sings, she dances, and has a WWE Championship Replica Title Belt. She is currently training to be the next American Ninja Warrior.

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