Volume 29
Butter Flavored Vape Creates New Disease, Movie Popcorn Lung
“Is it salted or unsalted butter?” asked Monica Clouds. “I’m trying to watch my blood pressure.”Photo by Connor Betterly Last month, the popular e-cigarette and vape …
Leaked Internal Twitter Memo States that Elon Musk “Has No Idea What He’s Doing”
Reports of events at Twitter headquarters were not officially confirmed, but were verified by an anonymous Twitter employee.Photo by Julia Wong Recently, Elon Musk finalized his …
HDH Recruits Gordon Ramsay to Fix Their “Kitchen Nightmares”
“This chicken is so undercooked, it’s still crossing the road!” cried Ramsay.Photo by Julia Wong For years, students have rated their experience at the campus’ dining …
Scientist Evolves to Eat Microplastics, Becomes World’s First Human 3D Printer
“Life in plastic — it’s fantastic,” said Dr. Gabriel Barbecue.Photo by James Woolley Last month, Dr. Gabriel Barbecue checked himself into the hospital after experiencing severe …
Susan Bagel: Bread
When I dream, I dream of my grandmother’s fruit bread. Every winter, she made enough loaves to feed a small village, and we feasted on the …
Return Black Friday to Its Roots
If one more person disrespects the internationally-recognized holiday of Black Friday, I am going to lose it. The contempt when you dismiss this patriotic purchasing day …
Study Reveals That It Can’t Get Worse
A research paper published in the Journal of Poor Judgement and Indecision sparked hope in the scientific community after claiming that “it cannot get worse from …
Donald Trump Returns to Twitter, Saves the Platform
Following Elon Musk’s acquisition of Twitter, nearly all users have levied complaints against Musk’s policies. Many have gone so far as to leave the platform altogether, …
